A few months before my son was born, Luc made a huge show of proposing to me. In true sleezy Luc fashion, he also wouldn’t stop talking about how he spent months looking for the highest quality ring he could find. He even showed me some receipt (likely one he made on his computer) so that I would believe that he paid 7k for the ring. (Men take note: Never tell a woman how much you paid for her engagement ring. It’s trashy and in poor taste.) Everywhere we went, he would grab my hand and show off that stupid ring as if it was some show of his status. This always embarrassed me because I knew that most people didn’t give a rats behind about my ring and this show just made him look weird.
Many people say that when the woman breaks off the engagement she should give the ring back. I didn’t give it back. I made the decision that when he chose to rape my sister and steal all of my belongings (he refused to let me back into the house to get my things)- I was keeping that stupid ring. Besides, I wasn’t going to ever put myself at risk of being killed by returning it to him. Was I wrong in this?
Anyway, this stupid ring has been haunting me since I left him a year ago. I always knew I needed to sell it, but I knew nothing about diamond rings and I was a little worried that he might have stolen it. The longer I hung onto it, though, I felt like it was a curse.
Yesterday, I received a mob style email from my legal team. They told me that I owed them 7k and that since I was unable to pay them, I clearly could no longer afford to litigate Luc. (Note: Luc’s testified that he had only paid her about 600 dollars, yet she is still working for him.) I have paid my lawyers by completely draining my retirement, savings, and every paycheck amounting in total to over 150k. After all that, they have dumped me and I am headed toward financial ruin. So with this dilemma looming over me, me and baby boy set out on a mission this morning to sell the damn ring. I knew I wouldn’t get much for it, but pawning a ring I don’t want seemed like a better option than begging folks for money. (Begging was what my lawyers suggested I do)
After stopping for breakfast at Dunkin Donuts (baby boy’s favorite breakfast spot), we went into a small jewelers. I had already done enough research to know that Luc had lied about the value. (No shocker here – I know) When the man behind the counter looked at it, he said, “well, its clarity enhanced and there is a huge crack in it – I will give you 600 bucks.” At first, I thought he might be taking me for a ride and conning me, but he allowed me to look at the diamond under a microscope and there it was – cracked and crappy.
At this point, I was holding baby boy who was having a usual baby conversation with me. When the salesman explained to me that clarity enhanced basically meant that someone altered the diamond to make it appear like something it was not, I broke out into laughter. The man looked at me like I was nuts, but I couldn’t stop laughing. Baby boy started laughing too. I then explained to the man that this description of the ring was not a surprise and that, in fact, it made total sense. I took the 600 bucks for the ring because, frankly, I didn’t want the piece of crap anymore.
That ring was a very telling symbol of our relationship. It looked good on the outside, but in reality it was just a big piece of crap. Luc was pretending to be someone he wasn’t from the moment he met me. Sometimes I wonder if Luc even knows WHO he is at all. He is so busy lying that he might not even have any sense of self at all.
Today was a big step for me. I felt like I had taken back a piece of my life. I let go of something that had been weighing me down. I had been angry about that ring. It wasn’t just the ring, but it was the fact that I will never be proposed to for the first time again. He took that from me. The ring is yet another symbol of his lies and his poor intentions.
I walked out of that store with the real diamond – my baby boy. We left the fake diamond behind. We got back into the car and talked all the way home. I told baby boy about how mama is determined to get back on her feet and give him the life he deserves. I told him about how much I love him. I told him about how important it is for me to teach him how to be a real man someday.
This particular blog was very touching. The point you made stating how things look on the outside was completely opposite of what was in the inside. I find that a lot of relationships suffer from this problem. However, what really touched me was the fact that John obviously consumes his mind with ways to torture you. Yet although you are filled with anger and resentment you still wonder if he will ever find the real him. I find that comment to be very humbling because in the midst of the storm you are hoping that one day he will find his rainbow. My only hope for you and your son is that you reach your pot of gold!!! Love you mama!!!
Thank you for your kind comment. Yes, despite everything Luc has done, there is still a sadness I guess when I think of how troubled he is. The even sadder part is knowing there there is no cure for him.
As far as your comment about loads of relationships being like the fake diamond – well that is also sad but true. The thing that makes being in a relationship with a psychopath terrible is that often times the non psycho is the person who isn’t aware the diamond is fake until he/she gets beaten over the head with the fake diamond. John knew the relationship was based on lies because he was the one who deceived.
I have, however, heard lately about many other relationships people struggle in. From the outside, people look like happy couples until one day they announce to their friends they are divorcing. It’s really sad.
This may sound really paiethtc .but we got my ring from a pawn shop. We were just in there looking at a table saw that we saw in the window and I went to look at the jewelry and there was a really awesome vintage ring 2 carat in a platinum filigree setting. The stone was a European Cut which is from the 1800s. I get compliments on it all the time. I feel lucky to have it. Some people might find it strange but I love love love my ring and we only paid $ 600.00 for it!
There is NOTHING wrong with a pawn shop ring purchased with love. 🙂
I loved the analogy in this. He wanted to make everyone see the quality of the ring from its sparkle and shine and yet, it was not at all what it seemed. My daughter told me a few nights ago that she wanted to know her dad – not the person he thought society wanted him to be or the person his wife wants him to be or the person he thinks he needs to be, but the person he really is. She hopes that one day she will see this person; while I think that the person she sees is the person he has chosen to be and thus it is this man that she must accept. He wants everyone to see a large, sparkling diamond when he is actually cracked and enhanced and unable to accept his imperfections.
Your daughter’s comment about wanting to know her father is a thought I continue to struggle with. The hardest part of all this is that I don’t think there will ever be a way that baby boy will know his father. It’s impossible to know someone who doesn’t want to be known. Today, as I was describing Lucifer to someone it sounded sad. If this creature were not capable of such evil, I would feel bad for his tortured soul. He is directionless without terror and would have no identity if it were not for his victims. That is a sad life. You and your daughter will move on from the pain and her father has put you through. You can go on to love and life happy and healthy lives. For him, he will always be stuck trying to live as someone he is not or maybe not even knowing who he really is. If someone asked Luc to be honest (and maybe gave him some form of truth serum to force a real and truthful answer) about who he actually is – I think Luc would be forced to tears because he might have to finally admit that he just a piece of shit without a soul. But then again, someone like him will never feel anything so piece of shit or not…in the end it doesn’t matter because he is a lost cause. What did you tell your daughter when she told you that she wants to know him? Sometimes I wonder how I will respond to those questions…or if I will be able to just listen and bite my tongue.
oh la la! thanks for the post!
really a nice article and great post.
it is a wonderful article, i like it, thank you very much!
I was married to a Narcissistic Psychopath for over 10 years who happened to buy my wedding ring from a gemologist friend of his that co-owned a jewelers. The ring has great significance regarding the relationship (especially the end of it) which “appeared” warm and fuzzy (like the bear mentioned in one of your articles) but in Reality was the biggest sham ever (little did I know). After 10+ years of sustaining all forms of abuse; choked, bit on the face, confined, raped, suspected poisoning, etc.. Greed got the best of him as soon as our restaurant turned a profit, he decided to solicit and conspire with (unbeknownst to him) a police informant and devised a murder plot—I his intended victim. Getting back to the ring, he instructed the informant to take it during the act and to “make it look like a mugging or robbery”, indicating it was worth “7 grand”. The ring was worth closer to 6k but I guess since they were talking class A felony “7” sounded more enticing. The informant obtained the entire commission of the crime while wearing a wire, the Chief of Police indicated they had more than “sufficient evidence for conviction” BUT the prosecutor opted NOT to press any charges against him, hence leaving me and my 4 children without any sense of security. He threatened to take my children and I believed him because after getting away with murder…you can get away with anything. I fought like hell (for 5+ years) to keep my children but due to financial ruin and ongoing OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE, custody was given to my ex …a perpetrator of violence and criminal acts who stalks me every chance he can get who now uses the children to continue his agenda.
I truly feel your pain as I have endured the same painstaking emotions you have gone through every time my children even had to speak with him on the phone, they now live with him. The court system has made reprehensible decisions in his favor because I have fought so hard to expose the Prosecutor for Obstructing Justice as he should be in prison for solicitation and criminal conspiracy of murder and it’s all on tape. I wear the ring (on my other hand) as a reminder of the fact that I am still alive and as long as I am… I will continue my endeavor to put him in prison where he truly belongs so my children and I may finally have peace.
At this point in my life it is only through the grace of God that I breathe because I sure would not call this living. Stay strong, know that you are not alone and never forget that You are not crazy.
Wow…I am so sorry to hear your story. It’s stories like yours, however, that will make me continue to fight for justice. I am amazed that the courts would give custody to such an abusive person. Did he get caught for any of this stuff? Or is he just good at being a criminal like Luc?