Daddy Doin’ Work: Empowering mothers to evolve fatherhood
If I had a dollar for every time I have seen a mother carrying a baby on her chest, pushing toddler in a stroller, and carrying several bags at the grocery store at the same time, I would be a wealthy woman. This is a common scene amongst mothers, but if I had a dollar for every time I have seen a man in this same situation – well, then I would be on food stamps. When you do see a man in this situation, however, people act like it’s epic. A man carrying his baby on his chest elicits the sort of ogling that you’d expect only from teenage girls on a school yard when the hot dude walks by.
Why is this? Why is it normal and expected for women to parent their children, but considered Godly when a man does the same? Why do we find changing tables in the women’s restroom, but the same tables are noticeably absent from men’s restrooms? Is society trying to tell us that a guy can’t change a diaper?
Those of you who know my story know that calling my ex simply a “deadbeat” Dad would be like calling Mother Teresa just a nice lady. If there were a term for something much worse than a deadbeat – my ex would likely fall more closely into that category. I mention all of the above to say that part of the reason men are the way they are today, part of the reason that many fathers have not evolved beyond cavemen times, is because of the low expectations we as women have for them.
My good friend Doyin, aka Daddy Doin’ Work, is on a mission to change the face of Fatherhood as we know it. You might have heard of books that talk about how to be a good parent (like how to change a diaper). The market is loaded with those types of books. This, however, is the sort of book I wish had been available when I met Lucifer (this is what I call the D bag who killed my son). What is refreshing about what Doyin has to say is a no nonsense kind of guy. He is the first dude to praise the Dads who are doing great things, but he is also the sort of guy who isn’t going to make excuses for the guys who do things that all men should be ashamed of.
I recently wrote a blog about how racism isn’t just a black issue – it’s an everybody issue. I feel the same way about the evolution of fatherhood. This is a conversation that everyone should be having regardless of gender. As a woman, however, I love the idea that Doyin is tackling this issue by speaking to women.
Doyin, congratulations on your book my friend. I applaud you for attempting to raise the bar on fatherhood – the role model you are for your daughters – and your attempts to empower women.
Not happy about my part in this, but as I was reading your article, I was thinking of all the times I sent an impatient “Oh, step aside; I’ll just handle it *humph*” vibe to my husband around issues that involved nurturing. Yet when I moved aside and accepted his contribution, he almost always stepped right up. I agree that this is an everybody issue, and I want to do my part. Thanks so much for the article, and congratulations to your friend Doyin on the publication of his book. It’s great that he’s sharing his inspirational ideas!
My heart is warmed when I see a Dad juggling babies and groceries because he is a REAL MAN/DAD.
In my family most of the Dads carry their full share of parental responsibility. We have one who has failed and the child has been removed from the family. Another issue with family court. Once it is involved in the removal pf a child tje child suffers the loss of itS entire family.
OH I so need to buy this book for my husband!!!!! We just had this argument/discussion this weekend! He works overnight shift, and his schedule changes often, so we have daycare set up around my schedule to ensure that we aren’t scrambling at the last minute to arrange childcare….. But when he is off during the week the kids still do their thing. He has time at home to do what he wants to do, which is fine…..BUT when I ask him to keep the kids for me to go have some me time it is like the world has come to an end. I get kids up and ready for school/daycare, I drop them off, go to work, then pick them back up again and go home and try to fix dinner, do homework, give baths, and get everyone to bed on time without a major catastrophe happening. My days off the kids are home with me, they don’t go to daycare. (I am not complaining about my kids being with me all the time, I prefer that personally, I would rather not send them to daycare and stay home, but that isn’t an option so…..) I feel in the 3 hours that I have with the kids at night aside from doing chores that have to be done (homework, dinner, baths) the rest will wait. But if there are dishes in the sink or the toys aren’t all put away before bed my husband wants to know what I did all night, I kept myself the kids and the animals all alive, that’s enough for me!
OK- glad I could vent a little, makes me feel a little better…..Now to buy a new book for the hubby 🙂