Divorce Corpse
“An unhinged man involved in a bitter child-custody battle tossed his toddler son to his death from the roof of a 52-floor building on the Upper West Side Sunday, then killed himself by jumping, law-enforcement sources said.” – NYPOST.COM
“An Arizona woman is accused of fatally poisoning her two children a day before she was supposed to turn them over to their father as part of a custody agreement issued in a courtroom last week, an attorney for the woman’s ex-husband told NBC4 on Monday.” – NBCLOSANGELES.COM
“That day, Rob King bought each of his twin daughters a fish, signed them up for swim lessons and gave them a bath. Hours later, he pumped carbon monoxide into their bedroom and slit their throats…Rob and Kristi were in the midst of a bitter divorce and custody battle. Kristi had offered joint custody of the three-year-olds. Rob wanted the girls to himself.” – WUSA9.COM
These are just a few examples amongst countless articles I have read since the murder of my son Prince. It seems like nearly every week there is a new story about a parent, involved in a bitter custody battle, who kills their child. The most disturbing part of reading these stories is knowing that each and every one of these killer parents was in court at some point and granted access to the child for whom he/she ended up killing. Each one of these children could have been saved had our system not been so hell bent on parental rights and equal access.
This Friday, a documentary titled “Divorce Corps” hits the theaters. From watching the previews, it would appear as though the focus of the movie is to expose the horrible Family Court system and how the fate of children has been turned into big business. While I believe that the big business aspect is a part of the system that needs to be reformed (note: I spent over 100k trying to save my son in this failed system), I have deep concerns about this movie. There are parts of the movie that would lead the public to believe that because divorce and custody are such “big business” that people have more incentives to lie and make up false allegations. The movie also seems to argue for presumptive joint custody.
Wendy Murphy, a former child abuse and sex crimes prosecutor and now adjunct professor and trial and appellate attorney specializing in crime victims, recently noted that a more appropriate title for a documentary on this issue would be “Divorce Corpse”. Divorce Corpse would at least accurately label a system in which children are killed by parents who should never have had custody or access to them.
In case after reading about my story it isn’t already clear, let me point out why the troubling themes present in this movie are dangerous for children.
1. All claims of abuse should be taken seriously: This should be a no brainer, but unfortunately it isn’t. The creators of this documentary seem to think that parents make sport out of launching false allegations of abuse. It is my firm believe that while I am sure false allegations occur, this is not the norm. Approaching all family court cases as if any abuse allegations are false is extremely dangerous. Children who are abused will be sent to their abuser without investigation into the allegations. I would rather see several innocent parents investigated than loose one child because the allegations were not taken seriously.
2. The danger of presumptive joint custody: Abusers love to talk about how the courts should automatically look toward equal access. If the courts did this, parents would no longer have to worry about things in their lifestyle that are not conducive to a healthy environment for a child. While there are plenty of situations where it is best for a child to have equal access to both parents (i.e. when both parents are good parents without psychological disorders or abusive tendencies), there are too many scary cases that come to court where presumptive joint custody would hurt the child. The courts should not presume anything when there is a case before them. There are no two cases alike when it comes to Family Court and each case should be evaluated based on the best interest of that particular child and not based on what is comfortable for the parents. If the courts continue to try and split children down the middle, they will end up with more abused children in the system.
David Levy, who is currently one of the members of the Maryland Commission on Child Custody, wrote an Op Ed after the murder of Amy Castillo’s three children in Baltimore, MD. In his editorial, he stated his belief that joint custody would have prevented the tragedy – as if Mark Castillo killed his three children just because he wasn’t awarded joint custody. News flash Mr. Levy, Mark Castillo killed his children because he was a crazy monster and had he been denied access to those children, they would still be here today.
3. Leave Parental Rights at the door please: After reading the press on this documentary, I am hearing too much crap about parental rights. We all know that both men and woman abuse children. This shouldn’t be a fight about gender because parents should not be who the court is seeking to protect. I didn’t spend over 100k in court because I felt like I needed more time with my son and just wanted to be a time hog. I spent the money because I truly believed he was in danger, and it was the only legal way I knew how to try and save him. I take no pleasure in knowing that I was right because it means that my son is dead. I would have gladly laid my own rights as a parent on the table if it meant my son could have some.
Finally, I refer you back to the quotes that I started out with in this post. While many cases don’t deal with life and death, a startling number of them do. Making rash generalizations about the need for equal access in all cases, and assuming everyone who fears abuse is lying only harms children. This movie discusses how many people profit off of the misfortune of those who end up in Family Court, and that is absolutely true. More alarming, however, is the number of people who end up dead (or emotionally/physically abused) as a result of decisions made in those court rooms.
If you plan to see this movie, I encourage you to question the motives of those who created it. While it is clear that there are many who profit from Family Court,I challenge you to think about exactly who benefits from a system that believes that the child’s best interest is served by equal access to both parents – regardless of the situation. I would argue that only an abuser would want the courts to grant all parents equal access without regard to circumstance.
Many people still believe in the junk science that is “Parental Alienation Syndrome” and “Maternal Abuse Allegation Syndrome”. I won’t be seeing this movie as I live this.
Cappuccino Queen,
In my state the presumptive joint custody law has already passed, It was to be my first fight when I was dragged into a “high conflict” child custody battle with my child who was 10. I testified at our Domestic Relations Committee meeting who were charged to consider these laws and I gave them details of my case which the new law would put my child in extreme danger. While the senators and judges seemed to agree with my points, this bill went all the way to the House of Representatives. I attended to testify against this. It was the most bizarre experience of my life. I am convinced the Fathers Rights group in my state got the bill stopped until the following week when they saw members of the public there to speak against this law and which was me and another mother who was a victim of DV. The attorney for legal aid, almost got into a physical altercation with the men who were there on behalf of fathers rights. (I researched their names and three main men are convicted felons!!!) Anyway, the following week they brought big wig fathers rights attorneys to testify in favor of presumptive joint custody and didn’t let us testify while disparaging the one mom who did get 3 minutes! The law passed,. I later found out there appears to be some serious federal funds behind the passing of this law! These funds are our tax dollars. There would be nothing getting in the way of that bill getting passed. It was very eye opening.
The fathers rights here are just like what you hear about with the “hate” spewing against mothers and women in general. We lie and they are abused and oppressed!!! I have learned much and seen many deaths of children and horror stories in the past 5 years I have been watching this unfold. I am horrified. The money seems to be the power in this. The children are just the ones with the bounty on their heads. They are treated as a commodity. I can only hope this movie gets some dialogue going with the major media and it backfires on those who are attempting to exploit “fathers rights” in lieu of “children’s rights” once again.
Thanks for blogging this subject.
I am so sorry you lost so much retirement money. You could have put a child through a university with that money. Now, the lawyers use it for their children instead. How can more people not see that the lawyers are the only ones who win.
I totally agree with you. Family Court should always be about the children and what is best for them, they are the only ones that should matter.
Right no we in Florida we have shared parenting. Basically this means that while on parents ‘houses’ the child, the other parent has liberal unsupervised contact. There are provisions for abuse and DV in the current laws, but they are typically ignored. Just last year the alimony reformers (fathers rights) tried passing bans against alimony, child support and they also want to have all custody situations would be 50/50 residential, and that means that every child would live with each parent half the time. These same reformers want no alimony at all, no child support. They also said that if one parent is forced into poverty due to this then the child needs to be removed from that home because that is neglect. The child should then be put with the richer parent. The reformers say this would not be in cases of abuse, but abuse is ignored right now. How could we be ensured that it wouldn’t be ignored then? And the reformers are making this law retroactive. This means that the courts would be slammed. So much wrong with it.
On another note these abusers don’t really want 50/50. Darren Mack in Nevada had 50/50. He did not kill his child. But he killed his wife.
I applaud you for your level head. I know what you are going through.
Capuccino Queen, first let me say that I am deeply sorry the system failed you and your son. That is truly tragic and we at Divorce Corp (the movie) extend our sympathy. Nothing excuses such terrible tragedies. Given that we are very sympathetic to the DV cause, we are so disappointed that the DV community has misunderstood our motives for posting a clip regarding false accusations. We think the DV community has missed a golden opportunity to make great strides toward solving the problem, and will only prolong the terrible dynamics by denying that some lying occurs in court. By trying to deny it or ignore it, the DV community allows it to continue. We instead think it is best for the DV community to call attention to the lying and do something about it. The tragedy of allowing the lying to continue is that law enforcement and the courts wonder in the back of their minds whether an accusation is real or not. No matter how much the DV community wishes that were not true, we have talked with many, many people in the system and the vast majority of them admit that such thoughts enter their evaluation of a situation. What can be done to change this? We have answers: take the money out of custody battles. According to our investigations in Scandinavia, where child support does not vary with the percentage of custody time and where child support is a modest, fixed amount for every child in the country, parents rarely get into acrimonious custody battles, and they almost never go to court over custody because there is no money reward for litigating. The result is that Scandinavians rarely make false accusations of DV because there is no upside to making a false accusation. And the benefit is that the Scandinavian authorities, as opposed to U.S. authorities, take allegation of DV very seriously, and treat them as criminal violations. Isn’t that what the DV community wants? Well, the DV community can have it. The price? To accept child support as what it really is supposed to be: an amount sufficient to take care of the needs of the child, and no more. Child support should not be supplemental alimony. That’s what alimony is for. By mixing these two support mechanisms, the courts have precipitated an unmanageable number of unnecessary custody battles that have little to do with children and a lot to do with money. And the result is that some litigants are tempted to make false accusations of DV to improve their financial outcome. And in cases where one parent or the other is volatile and prone to violence, such false accusations might send them over the top and bring about an incident of violence that otherwise would never have happened. We truly wish that this problem can be solved in the U.S.; and we hope that our movie will bring about beneficial change. To try to marginalize us as closet abusers is not only completely unfounded and unsupported by any stretch of reality, but it actually hurts your cause. Because we could be a helpful ally.
Joseph, there are some points in which we age. I age in taking the money out of the whole thing. What I don’t agree with is your willingness to paint every situation with the same brush. There will always be those who abuse the system. This can be seen from both men and women, but many many people claim abuse and it’s true!! We are judged by the small few who lie. There are also many men who lie about their income to sloth off their financial responsibilities as well. What about those people? Good parents should certainly have fair access to their children, but presumptive joint custody is dangerous. There are abusive parents of both genders out there who will benefit from this to the detriment of children.
I can appreciate any attempt to start the dialog up on this subject, but I respectfully disagree with some of your core beliefs on this issue having been negatively impacted by the court’s belief that people Lie about abuse. There are also many issues that are way more damaging that a small minority of people who lie about abuse. How about the therapists who are charged with investigating who lie to protect the abuser? Those folks who make false accusations would be weeded out if the courts just took the time to investigate all claims. It’s important enough to take them all seriously. It would save children.
Mr. Sorge, to assume that presumptive joint custody is the answer is reckless.
In 2012, the U.S. Department of Justice released a study (Saunders Report) that found the STANDARD and REQUIRED domestic violence training received by judges, lawyers, and evaluators does not adequately prepare them to handle abuse cases. Inadequately trained professionals tend to believe the myth that mothers frequently make false allegations. MOST contested custody cases are actually domestic abuse or child abuse cases in which abusers have been allowed to use the courts to regain control over their victims, and bankrupt the safe, primary care-giving, protective mother.
Further, the Center for Disease Control concluded a lengthy investigation into adverse childhood experiences. The ACE study is one of the largest medical investigations ever conducted to assess associations between childhood maltreatment and later-life health and well-being. They found that a child’s exposure to certain trauma’s, including domestic violence or child sexual abuse, resulted in more illnesses and injuries to children in childhood through adulthood (i.e., social emotional and cognitive impairment; adoption of health-risk behaviors; disease, disability and social problems; and premature death). This study demonstrates how a child’s exposure to domestic or sexual abuse is a PUBLIC HEALTH ISSUE. Yet every year, an estimated 58,000 children are sent for custody or unprotected visitation with a reported abuser.
Although research confirms that deliberately false allegations by mothers in child sexual abuse cases occurs less than 2% of the time, 85% of these cases results in custody to the alleged abuser—which means our courts are sending children to live with their rapist. Inadequately trained professionals tend to believe the myth that mothers frequently make false allegations. Therefore, in thinking they have the needed expertise, they don’t listen to domestic violence or child abuse evidence, experts, or consider current research. Mothers are then forced into poverty trying to protect their children– while, their children continue to be abused–or worse still–their children are murdered.
How can you say you are sympathetic to the DV cause without considering the rights, safety, and well-being, of children? Your motives are not misunderstood. They came across loud and clear.
Cappuccinoqueen I have to disagree, there are many many cases of false allegations of sexual abuse and/or domestic violence, and a endless line of emotionally abused children being dragged into the FCoAustralia. Because the court will not punish even confirmed liars[I am convinced in appropriate sentencing was handed down about 80% of these cases would disappear]. Money isn’t always the culprit, spite and/or mental illness are enough of a driving force for some.
After 8 years of fighting I have sole custody of our 3 daughters, who were abducted and abused by the mother and step father. Their mother now has no interest in seeing them, and makes not the slightest effort, her daughters refuse to call her, punishment I guess for the meager amount of calls she made to them.
I find it unnerving that people, mainly mothers, but not always, are willing to damage their children for money or spite, to me such people are monsters. I noted one mother on FB when confronted about such, said”it only emotional abuse, it doesn’t hurt them. Sorry it does. Sadly my daughters will carry the legacy of their abuse to the end of their lives. I live this everyday, don’t tell me its unusual or doesn’t happen. It does every damn day in a court somewhere. You can quote studies and show endless statistics that have been paid for by various interest groups. Count the broken children then all the studies are meaningless
Matthew, many people Lie on both sides. The problem there is that courts don’t bother researching lies. For example, my ex just claimed he had a job and nobody bothered to verify. In fact, he had never had a legit job in all his 40 years. Abuse allegations should be vetted for sure, but we cannot work under the assumption that most claims are false because that is so dangerous. I feel bad for people who fall victim to false abuse claims. That said, if all claims were investigated the truth would come out and either the claim would be unfounded or if founded the child would be protected. There are no stats to back up that the majority of allegations are false. They stats are just not there.
DOC’s[Department of Community Services] and police investigated the claims and found them false, however they use the stats to gain funding. So DOC’s has 2 false cases of abuse in its stats. The mother then moved state and made complaints to the child services there, that’s another 2 false stats. Also took them to a privately funded abuse centre, 3 false stats there. Tell me again how good stats are.
Nobody ever claimed that there were no cases of women OR men lying about abuse on the books. Matthew, I just don’t think you have any valid stats to prove that the MAJORITY of claims are false. If you have a personal situation where someone has lied about you, I am sorry to hear that. That said, laws cannot be guided by isolated cases. We need to look at trends and patterns. We need to evaluate how a law would impact children. Personally, I would welcome investigations into ever allegation. If it is false then a good investigation will discover that. If not, then the investigation will serve to protect the child from continued abuse.
http://www.smh.com.au/national/false-abuse-claims-are-the-new-court-weapon-retiring-judge-says-20130705-2phao.html
Also it not up to the Court to investigate, its up to the compliant to refer the matter to the police and child services to investigate. They certainly should notify the court.
I certainly would be suspicious of any investigated or unreported claims being brought before the Family Court , or the husband’s laptop being bought as evidence to the court by the ex wife, full of child porn of course.
Matthew, when is the last time you have dealt with CPS? Many times abuse is called in and cases fall through the cracks. Or how about when you DO bring proof of abuse to court. My ex was arrested after beating his older son. The child had physical evidence so the school reported it to police (as they should have). He got a psychologist to clear him to the court. The problem, in my opinion, is not as much the false claims as it is the true ones that go ignored because everyone assumes that lying about abuse happens often. The courts should be suspicious either way. They should be suspicious of BOTH parties until the situation is looked into and the evidence evaluated. I am sorry if you have had a terrible personal experience with a liar. I have also had a terrible experience with someone who lied in court. The unfortunate reality about our system as it stands is that many lies go without investigation. BOTH genders lie, but when someone tells the court they are concerned about abuse it should ALWAYS be taken seriously.
Aloha Mr. Sorge, Although I haven’t seen your movie yet (just your comment above) I first have to say WOW at the subject matter your pursued. So you’ll know “where I’m coming from” I’m a former Marriage & Family Therapist who spent the first half of my career working in child abuse prevention and intervention; I now work exclusively with domestic violence survivors and their children so have been privileged to work with both violent/abusive and non-violent/non-abusive couples and families. In terms of comparison between the TWO groups, there is no comparison – to be cliche, it’s like comparing apples and oranges. If I was allowed only one criticism about the family court with regards to divorce and child custody, it would be that they use a “ONE size fits all” approach to deal with TWO very separate and distinct populations. Because there’s no discrimination, the melee where everyone loses (but the lawyers) persists. I firmly believe that a good, honest man and father should reap the benefits of such a standing and not be treated like a criminal or have to “pay” in court for an abusive man’s crimes; at the same time, an abuser who unrepentantly harms women and his children should not “ride on the coattails” and reap the benefits only a good man deserves. As one non-violent father once commented to me about an abuser: “It’s guys like him that make guys like me look bad”. I couldn’t agree more. In your comments above, you speak about the theme of money and child support in divorce and child custody cases and while those issues are certain to arise in DV cases as well, the main theme for any DV survivor case will not be about money but SAFETY so what I’m worried about is how your movie will affect the vulnerable population I serve. LETHALITY is a constant concern in all of my cases – an issue that would be completely irrelevant in non-violent cases. With regards to false allegations – not in genuine abuse cases – which again goes back to the importance of separating the apples from the oranges. In the work I currently do ignored allegations can and do lead to death and disability – not financial gain – and tragically because no distinction is made between abusive and non-abuisive cases, the more the idea of false allegations is promoted and spread, the less likely victims of abuse have to survive. For so many of the judges that have ignored a victim’s pleas – like the judge in Katie Tagle’s case – I cannot fathom what it must be like to live the rest of your life knowing that you personally contributed towards the death of a child, but that’s what happens when allegations of abuse are simply written off as false. Regarding the lying that goes on in family court, it was not the DV community who removed the Bibles from the courtrooms and eliminated “so help me God” at the end of the oath. There are only two sides: good and evil – if you take God out of the equation (or courtroom, classroom, gov’t, etc.) you’re automatically handing it over to the “King of Lies” so how can anyone expect to receive the gifts of God – truth, justice, reconciliation, peace for all – in a realm He’s been banished from? The DV community is already fighting for God’s gifts and is a part of the solution, not a part of the problem, so I’m sad to see you don’t see them as such. Anyway, you sure picked one heck of a Goliath to go after – gotta give you credit for that – good luck…
Thank you CQ for keeping a level head with these people. Now can I get lessons on that? But seriously I get so frustrated, I have been trying to protect myself and my daughter for almost 9 years now. I have seen the stats, read the studies. The nbcis-3 was an excellent study – it broke down abuse to the type, gender of perp, age of victim and so much more. The basic conclusion from that study as sad as it is, men are typically more physically abusive and women neglect more. With that said no child should be abused or neglected – both are abuse and both are foul. But the one thing the studies have noted is that the neglect by women is due to poverty. And by removing that stumbling block, mothers tend to not neglect again. In other words we can fix the female issue. I have not seen anything to offer an opinion as to how to help the physically abusive man.
I wish that abusers would agree to have nothing to do with their children. Many people believe that it’s better to have two parents, but it’s not when one of them is dangerous. The courts need to start thinking about children first. Parental rights should not be part of the discussion because it shouldn’t ever be about what is best for the parent. Shuttling a child back and forth between two homes just so the parents can have comfort has always seemed sick to me. Forcing a child to stay with a parent who Is abusive is inhuman and we need to stop allowing the courts to tout parental rights as a reason to harm these kids.
Mr. Hopkins- you lost me with your comment ” and the police investigated and found the accusations to be false”. We all know the police are thorough and never get it wrong .(said with sarcasm)
I didn’t really understand Mr. Hopkins’ comment either if I am honest. :/
Humans are not infallible and everybody can make mistakes, this can be exacerbated by many factors which are too numerous to mention.
However, my eldest daughter clearly told police and child protection officers that the mother had told her to say these things[allegations of abuse]. Despite this allegations are recorded in statistics as abuse[to increase funding, so not all stats are accurate{funding for child protection, not police}].
I am not a fan of police either, but sometimes due to circumstances they get it right.
Matthew, I am terribly sorry that someone did this to you. I still, however, believe that false accusations are the minority. And when they are false, things like what you have mentioned occur. For example, the child tells someone they have been coached. Many times, however, even when the child is telling the truth, people assume that they are lying and that they have been coached. This is seriously dangerous. I am sure as a father who loves his child, you would agree that if someone were abusing your child you would want that information to come out and you would want it to stop.
My divorce took almost three years to break free from my ex husbands abuse and control. Our girls and myself have suffered abuse both mental an physical from him for ten an half years of our eleven year marriage. Hair pulling, shoving, knocking down, slapping, kicking, etc.
After I got a protective order against him he filed for full custody of our kids. The battle went on for almost three years and thousands of dollars later. During the battle he violated the protective order over and over and was arrested. He demanded a jury trial that lasted a week and was found guilty and was ordered no contact with any of us.
Despite all he had done that was documented he managed to find an “expert” to testify on his behalf that our kids were suffering parental alienation. This “expert” has never seen our kids or spoke to them or to me. He was simply a low lying snake that my ex hired to say it was all my fault. I find it amazing he courts even allow such a fraud to speak on behalf I innocent children. I am now much wiser and expect anything when I walk into court.
It’s such a tragedy that innocent children are dying because someone in power isn’t listening. I would love to know how people that suppor and lie for abusers sleep at night.
My ex said I fabricated everything. That no abuse had happened. I thank God that I was lucky and the judge saw the truth. Even with documented proof the divorce drug on and on. Because he had money!
I will not be seeing the movie based on what I have read about it. I agree with one point and that is change needs to happen. Nothing will change until enough people like CQ speak up and demand better. It’s not about fathers rights or mothers rights. It’s about a child’s right to be safe, to be able to laugh and be happy, to have a voice and to live!
Instead of presumptive joint custody why not require both parents, who can’t work things out, to have a Reliable psychological to rule out disorders. I will state the obvious here. Most reasonable parents can work things out without involving the courts. The small number of cases remaining should be handled with a presumption that one or both parents have psychological issues.
I read Dastardly Dads too. These cases scare me and influence me NOT to pursue divorce and settle for unhappy marriage with a spath – as long as my children are safe, safer than being used as tools in his psychopathic revenge, or worst, being killed.
In case “normal people” like us don’t understand, psychopath can be very convincing, and we can be the one ended up losing the children in the custody battle. I got a glimpse of that when he suddenly accused me of physical and sexual abuse of his children, and they supported his story too.
– In my case, I am innocent and yet I could be the one losing the custody of my children at least temporarily.
– Psychopaths are good at erasing and fabricating evidences to fit their evil purposes.
– How does a Justice System predict what parent will do to their children if he is not happy with the divorce?
– How do we pre-emptively punish a parent by taking the custody away from him/her? How do we prove that a parent will kill his/her kids? The only way to avoid compromized situations is to give the crazy parent NO ACCESS to the kids at all. But what grounds are evidence enough? Mind you, crazy parents will not miss the chance to execute their plan, even if they only have “supervised visits”. Think of Josh Powell’s muder of his kids.
It seems in my intimidated brain that they only way to keep the kids safe is by not “agitating the crazy partner”. Threatened psychopaths pushed to the corner will just do the unthinkables. Divorce and custody battles are lengthy, providing a breeding ground for craziness.
Let’s get the discussion going.
Virginia, as bad as divorce and Family Court is…I would never advise staying with a psychopath. The abuse that your children would witness from this man could be equally as damaging. My case was extreme, but if I could do it again I would STILL leave. I truly believe that Lucifer would have killed Prince (and possibly me too) had I stayed with him. Leaving at least was able to get my son 15 months of happiness rather than the much shorter version of life on earth hell he would have been in had I stayed in that terrible situation.
If you decide to leave, however, seek counsel with an attorney ASAP to see what your options are as if he is really a psych he WILL go nuclear.
Wow. This is perhaps the best blog I’ve read — and I’ve only just begun. My head is swimming as I learn more and more about the dangers of our family court system. Finding other heartbroken protective mothers, however, is bittersweet. I feel empowered that we have strength in numbers, yet I feel hopeless as I see no resolution on the horizon.
You have endured the deepest possible loss. Your strength is admirable and inspiring. I hope you are surrounded by much love.
Not sure if you were aware of this, but I have been trying to tally custody-related murders of children for several years now. You can see them at dastardlydads@blogger.com broken down by US state, as well as for Canada and Australia.
Hey. Very informative article. I`ve learned a lot from it. Seems like I read something like this on https://www.nytimes.com.