Hijacking the Discourse
When Prince was a couple of months old, I took him to the beach for the first time. My dramatic exit from Luc’s house had just happened a little over a month earlier and I was still in a bit of shock. I went from being engaged to a man I “thought” I loved (I say “thought” because the real man wasn’t anything like the man I believed I was in love with) and celebrating the birth of my baby boy, to being slapped in the face with a harsh reality that I believe deep down I had been fearing. I wanted to badly for this man to be the father I had hoped for my son, but the reality was that he was not even a man worthy enough for a first date – let alone someone that I should have ever chosen to have a child with.
Before I had children, I always imagined how my son or daughter would look up to their father as I had looked up to mine. I dreamed of the type of man who took his children out for special events, read to them at night, and did everything he could – ever single day – to make sure they had the best life possible.
During our drive to the beach, we stopped at a gas station. I watched a father get out of his car with his son. The father looked at his son with joy and the son proudly followed his father while he watched every step the man took…in order to make sure his own steps matched. As I sat there nursing my son and looking into his bright brown eyes, I started crying. I cried because I knew that Prince would never have that kind of father. The man I had imagined (and had wanted to believe I was with) didn’t exist in Prince’s father.
Some people might read this blog and think that I am a man hating anti-father’s rights sort of woman; however, that could be further from the truth. I know many men who would jump in front of a train if it meant saving their child and who deserve the support of “father’s rights” groups court during custody trials. I have also received letters from men who are battling psychopath mothers in court. I accept that disordered people come in both genders.
I wanted my son to have a good father – I wanted him to be safe and happy – and I wanted him to have the opportunity to grow up and be a man someday. The court, however, only cared about whether or not my son had access to both biological parents and not about the actual welfare of the child. The court wasn’t concerned about my child growing up, it was just concerned with getting the parents out of court.
When the Washington Post Editorial came out this morning, I read some disturbing comments. People seemed so ready to blame me for my bad choices (i.e. falling for Luc’s lies). I was blamed for “not using protection” as if this made it so that Prince deserved this fate because his mother didn’t force her boyfriend to wear a condom. (As if this reader even knew the circumstances surrounding my son’s conception or it was any of his business)
The fact of the matter is that whether or not one believes I am a whore (which my friends and family can attest that I am not), should have no relevance in this story. Children should never be judged and held accountable for the decisions of their parents. An innocent child died and this could have been avoided. It isn’t about sex, it isn’t father’s rights, and it isn’t about a woman’s vengeful attitude – it’s about a child. It is about a group of people who have taken an oath to protect and serve (i.e. judges and police) and how these people failed to protect an innocent child.
So to all the haters out there who want to write me off because you don’t believe my story, or you want to protect your part in this, or you are just plain hateful – don’t try and hijack this discourse. Prince’s story is important and I will not let people diminish its impact because of their ignorant attempts to cloud the issues.
I have subscribed to your blog and wish to comment on yesterday’s post, “Hijacking the Discourse.”
… The court, however, only cared about whether or not my son had access to both biological parents and not about the actual welfare of the child. The court wasn’t concerned about my child growing up, it was just concerned with getting the parents out of court…
As mothers, we get that Luc is ill even though we don’t see him with our own eyes. People who believe otherwise are electing to ignore the truth -there’s no other way to put it.
“Innocent until proven guilty” could have been handled differently … Luc could have been advised that visitation would indeed be granted (he would not surrender time with his biological son) but it would be supervised pending investigation. A simple decision such as that, I believe, would have granted a more secure outcome for you both -certainly for Prince.
The story you shared, despite the press’s follow-up commentary, conveys the reality that you acted on what you believed to be true at the time you decided to conceive -but were woefully dismayed at the truth behind the mask of the man whose reality presented itself ONCE YOU WERE SOMEONE HE COULD ENTRAP. (Luc’s illness is that something inside of him ‘needs’ to have a victim in his life. He is a human predator. He will not get better. He does not WANT to, and it is not possible, even if he did. You made a mistake in judgement (don’t we all), but your intentions were pure. It is crushing to think that your mistake was met with utter carelessness (and contempt, if you don’t mind my saying so) on the judge’s part. Your motivation was pure, the judge’s and Luc’s were not. Luc INTENDED to soil your trust and toy with your mind. I believe he even intended to take Prince’s life IN ORDER to take yours. (He is so dead inside that he feeds off of taking someone else’s life -literally and figuratively.)
Algeo’s attempt to make you pay for your decision to combine with Luc in parenthood demonstrates that he knew he was faced with a woman who had no intention of backing down –so he taught you a lesson: “this is MY court; it was YOUR decision, now go away and stop pestering us to clean up after you. Why should WE have to take responsibility for YOUR mistakes? I don’t want to continue to deal with the fall out from your decisions. In fact, I’ll SEE to it! My decision will eliminate your reason for being here at all -ever again.”
Judge Algeo weeded out HIS NEED to be present in family court by one child. Luc’s illness(es) are vile, but understandable, given the content of his mind. Algeo’s are reprehensible. Luc may be responsible for Prince’s physical death, but Algeo delivered him into that fate. Selfishness is an ugly, putrid facet of human nature. Emitted from an ill mind, it produces disgust; emitted from one supposing to arbitrate the truth, having the power to uphold it –it sours the soul.
My hope for you is that your intention to honor Prince’s life makes a change in our very nation. I notice that the Facebook ‘shares’ on “Dear Judge Michael J. Algeo” have literally tripled in three days. If it is possible for this type of exposure to reach someone with the power to effect a change at the national level in terms of our distorted system of justice, mark my words, I will WALK from Massachusetts to stand by your side on behalf of that change!
Lisa, you hit the nail on the head in so many ways. We all knew Luc was disordered and we knew what he was capable of if he had unsupervised access – but Judge Algeo “delivered” Prince to this disordered man in what seemed like an attempt to punish me.
I think that people who work in these positions of power need to be the type of people who see their own children in every child. This is a quality that would have allowed Judge Algeo to fight for my son as if he were his own grandchild.
I will let you know when I need you to come walk down from Massachusetts. 😉
ENTRAP is the perfect word. I often said that my relationship with my ex started as an ENTRAPMENT, not a courtship (of course I didn’t know that until it was too late) and it ended up being a hostage situation, not a marriage.
It’s damn time the family court system starts educating these judges on the relationship fraud, and abuse that these sociopaths inflict.
Hera, I’m so sorry about the ignorant and ugly comments on the WP. I’ve heard similar sentiments many times about my own situation. “Well, you married him”. “You chose to have children with him.” “You must of loved him at one time, right?” No!!! I never knew him!!! Not until it was too late for me, and he got what he wanted.
Hera, I read the decision on custody over at LF. Is there someplace we can see the decision by Judge Algeo to suspend supervised visits?
I pray that your efforts to get justice for little Prince will change family courts in this country. Too many children suffer, and some even die. Lord, why?
I haven’t ordered those transcripts from the final trial, but I am planning on it and I will make them public as soon as I do. Thanks for your comment. In a nutshell, the judge decided to suspend supervised visits because Luc “checked the boxes” or so the judge believed. The bar was set low. Basically, stay out of jail and you can carry your child off for seven hours straight.
My only thought is will you learn your lesson? Or when this is all over will you become intimate right away with your next partner? When women learn to stop having intimate relations with these men so soon after meeting them, all of this drama and hatred and killing will stop. Trace back people’s steps…what does sleeping with someone too early lead to? What are the dreadful consequences every single time when people sleep together too quickly???? There is ALWAYS a consequence. It can range from a broken heart to murder. Until women (and men, but men don’t care…they are the ones who are taking advantage of the women and the women are allowing it) get it and realize that having intercourse before you know someone extremely well or until marriage leads to nothing but bad, these horrible tragedies and problems will continue to happen. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it is the absolute truth. I am not hating on you. I feel for you tremendously and HATE that you lost your baby boy. Hate it. It should not have happened. But what happened is only the consequence of actions that should have never been. You say you knew the man was disordered. If you would have just waited long enough before you were intimate with him, he most likely would have revealed himself and then you would have never slept with him. Or if you wouldn’t have slept with him, he probably would have just left because that’s apparently all he wanted. I hope you don’t make the same mistake again. Please don’t.
Ok Julia, most people would not allow your comment to go through. Sadly, you sound just like those people who love to blame the victim. Yes, I have learned a lot of lessons from this situation. The next time I meet a man who appears to be very successful, has sole custody of his child, hasn’t been convicted of a crime, owns his own home, and drives a nice car…should I run in the other direction and assume that he is the prime suspect in his own mother’s murder?
Did you know that in the state of MD, rape victims are forced to give access to their children (who was produced by the rape) to the rapist? Would you tell that woman that next time she needed to use protection or just “be careful” on who she chose to sleep with?
When a person is dishonest about their entire character/life/etc you are not making the same choice as you would had the person been honest. We honest people like to believe that others are honest too and if they are not we will be smart enough to tell that. This is not the case and I have learned that first hand.
So yes, I have learned many lessons but not the one in which you and people like you sit on your high horse and preach. And just so you know (not that it is any of your business), I didn’t get intimate with him right away. And sex wasn’t all he wanted. He wanted to destroy me. People like this target woman and know exactly what to do in order to get what they want. They psychologically terrorize you.
You are lucky that you have clearly never been this sort of victim. You are lucky to have never been in an
abusive relationship. These people don’t walk up to you and beat you in the face. If that happened, nobody would ever be in an abusive relationship. These are the type of people who make you feel as if you have met your sole mate and when you get pregnant and they know they have set their hooks into you – bam – your life as you knew it is over.
And yes, I knew he was disordered but not until AFTER my son was already born. You think that if I had waited longer…he would have shown his “true self”. How long would you figure? I have known women who dated men for years before they realized they were lying. It took a year to show me who he really was…oh wait, actually more than a year. You say you don’t want to sound harsh, but honestly….you sound as if you are commenting on many factors you don’t know about. Judge me after you have met a true psychopath and then we can talk about what sorts of lessons there are to be learned.
Bless your little heart Julia. I used to be as naive as you. It is beautiful and also painfully dangerous.
I am not naive. If I was naive, why would I be telling you about learning a lesson??? I am sorry, but you have no idea what you are saying. I WAS a victim of a sociopath or psychopath…whatever you choose to call them. You have no idea. So I am NOT blaming you (the victim). I was a victim, too…believe me…you have no idea. No, I didn’t lose a child, but I lost my mind and my career. So anyway, I do not hate you and I am NOT judging…far from it. You misinterpreted what I was trying to say. I was coming from the point of view that I learned a lesson from what happened to me and I want you to learn the same lesson. No more, no less. That is where my heart was.
You were absolutely judging her. What kind of person says something like “I wonder if you learned your lesson”? Seriously?
To take years of mental and physiological trauma and try and condense it down in to some argument against per-marital relations is asinine and insulting, to women and society as a whole.
Julia: What lesson did you think she should learn?? Not to trust men? Never to have sex? Never to conceive? You’re completely unclear about what this “lesson” is that Hera is supposed to take away.
So what “lesson” did you learn, Julia? That it’s okay to judge another when you have not walked in their shoes? That what happened in your life gives you the right to simply believe others have done what you “hint” you did. And just HOW does a woman determine who “these” men are?
No situation is just black and white. There are too many shades of grey in every person’s life, situations, etc. to make blatant assumptions that you “know” what you are talking about.
No, I do not know your situation. No, I do not know CQ’s situation. I was not there to have any knowledge of either of you, what you have been through, what you still go through. I can sympathize and offer compassion for your situations. I will include you both in my prayers (I hope that is okay).
To generalize that “all” women who “get intimate” with a man “too quickly” after meeting them does not hold water with me. Not all “meetings” end in the way yours did. I met my husband on a blind date in 1984. We were intimate that night. I moved in with him a month later, six months later we were married, and have been married for 27 years. I’ll admit that my experience is not the “normal”. But my husband is my ROCK. We have been through a LOT. He was there when I nearly died after a car accident. He leaned on me when his father died. He was there for me & our children when my mother died. And I now take care of his elderly mother on a full time basis.
I’m sure there are just as many horror stories out there, as there are good. My point is that you cannot assume that getting intimate so “quickly” after meeting is only a tendency of psychopaths.
Julia, your reply did sound judgmental. I only offer that you were not “in the relationship” with either of these people. To both of you, I believe, you have to ‘walk a mile in another’s shoes’ to really know what they are going through.
I want to offer you both compassion. I can never truly understand what either of you have been through. I have a good, loving husband. And I will keep you both in my prayers.
Julia – My only thought is, have you ever watched TV or read a magazine or a book? Ever heard of names like Scott Peterson, Mark Hacking, Ted Bundy? Go to a bookstore sometime and get a few books out of the True Crime section and introduce yourself to some guys named Brad Cunningham, Alan Blackthorne and Brad Corbin. Any idea what these guys have in common? They’re all psychopathic killers who fooled everyone around them, including their wives in most cases, and had friends and family who had no idea what they were capable of. There is no “expiration date” on a psychopath’s charm, after which they suddenly show their true colors. So to ask if someone has “learned their lesson” is akin to asking if, as a result of their horrific experience, they have developed a superhuman ability that even the best detectives don’t have, which is to be able to identify a psychopath on sight. The legacy of being hurt by a psychopath certainly includes a “learned lesson” so if that’s what you’re truly concerned about, rest assured that their victims (the living ones, anyway) often never trust anyone again, period.
I can’t help but notice that you seem to be telling a grieving mother that her son shouldn’t have been born at all. The tone of your message certainly leads me, as a psychologist, to wonder about the level of disorder of your mind, as your message has a bizarre tone, an entirely inappropriate accusatory slant, and a stunning lack of empathy that isn’t shored up by a hasty assurance that you “hate” that this happened even as you seem to scold Prince’s mother for making him available for this tragedy by bringing him into the world.
Please learn a lesson yourself, and pray that you’re never a victim of the kind of horror that brings strangers out of the woodwork to turn your tragedy back onto you.
What? What are you talking about when you said it seems I was telling a grieving mother her son shouldn’t have been born at all?? HUH?? When I said it should not have happened, I meant the murder! (read it again, please). Geez. Things get so misconstrued through the written word. I even said I HATED that she lost her baby boy. How did that get interpreted into that I thought he should have never been born?
Yes, of course I have heard of all the killers you mentioned above. Trust me…I was targeted by one who does it all except murder. If you ever met him, even you, a psychologist would be fooled; I have no doubt about that. I was a victim. I give up. I am done trying to put my message of celibacy out there. No one cares. No one listens. That is what my message was about. That is where my heart was…not judging, not putting someone down. I have done all the same things she and everyone else has done. I have made HUGE mistakes. If you only knew me, you would know me as one of the sweetest, most compassionate people you would know. My friends love me for that. So I am sorry and it’s sad that my message came across the way it did as I am probably one of the least judgemental people on the planet. I will say nothing further for fear of anything I say just being turned around. Sorry…
Julia – I appreciate your comments. All of them. Your message of celibacy is not a bad one, it just might not resonate with everyone when it comes to this particular issue. I do understand though and I respect you for that decision. Celibacy is what I will preach to my daughter because it IS important.
Don’t be afraid to speak for fear of judgement Julia. If I did that – I would never have created this space. The reason I reacted so harshly to your comment was because your comment was largely based in your experience and what you may have taken from your situation.
It’s not wrong for you to feel any sort of way, but I wanted to take that as a teachable moment to show you that you just have to be careful. Lots of psychopaths hide in church too. They would target a celibate woman too. They might see her as a unique challenge – marry her – and then start the reign of terror.
I am not going to sit here and judge you for your beliefs because there was a time when I would have said the same thing. In fact, I remember having a similar conversation with a college friend where I said “I wont ever have to worry about that sort of abuse because I wont sleep with a guy until we are married.”. HA! That was before I met a psychopath and realized the power of coercion.
Just be careful Julia. These people can be shape shifters. They target good and trusting people. So the lessons learned should be – don’t be as trusting because people are not always as honest. The next relationship I am in…if the guy has a problem submitting to a background check…then he is not the man for me. I’m serious. 😉
I honestly think there is something very very wrong with this poster. Julia, you are wither a troll or Luc posing as Julia. If you are Julia, I siggest you keep your opinions to yourself because you are judgemental, mean-spirited, unkind, unempathetic, foolish and, quite honestly, messed-up in the head. Go away!
Firstly, you NEVER know someone completely. Secondly, many people with severe mental illness do not show overt signs until it’s too late and someone has become a victim. I find you to be extremely judgmental of something you really know nothing about. There is no rule that states that mentally diseased people have to show all their colors right off the bat. A truly diseased individual will have the ability to manipulate situations in their favor and have you believing the very best of them, such as child-molesting priests. Think about the biases and prejudices leading into your thought process and please try to rethink where you get the idea that good people cannot be honestly fooled by bad people.
CappuccinoQueen, I grieve for your loss. I hope that one day the pain lessens and you are able to remember the good times and the genuine joy your son so obviously brought to you. May you find justice for a bright life snuffed way too soon.*hugs*
I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry i am for your loss. You have gained a faithful reader in Central Fl, always! My heart goes out to you…
Oh honey… forget the people who make ugly comments. There are always going to be folks who can only feel good about themselves when they’re trying to make other folks feel bad. You had a child who was a gift. The tragedy is that people in authority didn’t treasure and protect him the way you did.
It’s easy to fall for ‘that guy’ if you’re a nice person. When you’re nice you tend to view others as being the same. Again- not your fault.
I wish I had magic words to say to you, words that would help you and ease your pain but I don’t. Instead I have these words- continue to fight. Put on your armor pick up your sword and go do battle with the system. Fight for the memory of your son so that no other parent has to go through the pain you suffered. I can see your strength in the words you wrote- you didn’t curl up in a ball you poured out those words so that other people could be aware of the flaws in the system and the terrible flaws in some of the people who work in it.
Blessings to you, and your Angel. Take comfort in the fact that someday years from now he will be the first thing you see when you pass.
My sincere apologies and sadness goes out to you.
I have read you story and as a mother cried for and likely with you. I wish I could put into words what I am feeling but I just can’t get past the hurt and sadness you must be going thru. Keep preaching momma. As my mom has told me many times…no one will ever love you like your mother loves you. Stay strong and keep fighting for your sweet baby.
I can’t begin to express how sorry I am for your loss cappuccino queen. Having read all your posts it broke my heart with what you endured. Your fight to make those pay who failed your poor baby boy is made all the more difficult by those who turn to blame you for the evil in one man. Those who try and find fault in you are blind to what really happened, no matter what you did or didn’t do, that man set out to prey and hunt you down and destroy your very core of being. No matter what you did or didn’t do it wouldn’t have changed how he acted, which you know. Just know that your story has reached many people’s hearts, even all the way over here in Australia and I have shared it with everyone I can to help fight for Prince. Just know that even there are those that don’t stand with you, they are outnumbered by those that will surround you.
My heart truly goes out to you, and I wish you and your family peace and strength as you live every mother’s nightmare and continue to fight for Prince. Please know there are so many of us out here pulling for you and seeing our own children in Prince’s beautiful eyes. *hugs*
I have been in a couple of really bad relationships, and I can tell you from my own experience that it doesn’t seem like that will ever happen, in the beginning. The last one I dated for THREE YEARS, ran a background check on him, saw his credit report, talked to his friends and family and people who didn’t like him. As soon as we married, he changed into a different person. No longer was he sweet and kind, helpful and loving. It started with little things–refusing to do any laundry but his own, for example, or demanding dinner the minute he walked through the door even though I had also been working all day, and had children to care for. Soon, he had football tackled me in our living room, choked me, and then took a baseball bat after me–for washing his laundry “too late at night” (and not fulfilling his sexual wants instead.) He was prosecuted, and was sorry–and started going to anger management classes. In that class, he learned how to manipulate me with my own money (by taking it from me, including my cash, bank card, checkbook, and even my child support.) Then he decided he would no longer contribute any money towards the bills, not even for food. I was a single parent living with a monster. I packed my things and left him not six months after the first incident. I have been trying to divorce this man for 5 years. Still no luck. Speaking of that, I need to call my lawyer…..
Julia, the only appropriate response is “I am sorry for your loss.” Anything else is really not necessary. I am glad she let the comment through and set you straight in a decent manner. I don’t think I could have been as civilized. How dare you be so harsh and critical of a mother who has lost a child. She has to live with this for the rest of her life.
Whereas you make your stupid comments and move on with your life to go and be hostile towards someone else. How were your comments at all helpful? You are a disgrace. You may have a certain standard regarding sexual intimacy, but you are still a disgrace who should be ashamed. Apologize to this dear mother and don’t ever do somthing like that again.
OK, then I am a disgrace. Sorry.
Julia, please don’t be sorry. You are not a disgrace. I truly appreciated your comment. I welcome discussion on here and if I had been truly insulted by what you said, I would have said so. The reason that I originally commented how I did, is that I wanted to be sure that people knew that psychopaths do not necessarily run away when you wait to have sex. While it is always a good lesson to know someone before sleeping with them, there are many people who get married to these people and the psychopath hides their true nature for years before the person discovers who they really are. Don’t ever apologize for entering into the discussion and speaking your mind. I don’t believe you were AT ALL trying to be rude or disrespectful.
WOW! And I was thinking that Julia’s comments were hard. Ms. Thea, you do not truly know Hera’s or Julia’s pain, what they have been through, what they still go through.
But to call Julia a “disgrace” …. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??? In my heart, Julia was only trying to say what is in her heart … FROM HER EXPERIENCE. Whether it’s right or wrong, it’s what she lives with and believes. What is right or wrong for another person, can only be determined by that person. Calling them a disgrace is wrong, in my opinion.
What was your “goal” in these comments?? To make Julia feel less than a person? Where is your compassion? I applaud Lisa (below), who said: “I just want to ask that we speak our minds but that we maintain personal composure, keeping our comments beneficial to the readers, (especially to Hera) rather than critical. Someone said that Julia was a ‘disgrace’ – I believe she was only trying her level best to share what was meaningful to her. In all things I think we must simply consider the source. Even Hera was able to do that and respond from a place of personal strength and with as much kindness as she could muster. Please – this is a tragedy that brought us together. We have all convened to fortify one another. Please decide to be gracious with your feedback.”
I believe Hera’s goal in her blog is to honor her son. His death was a horrific tragedy. And I pray that through ALL of our efforts, the failing court system in this country can be changed. In my opinion you need to hear your own words: “you make your stupid comments and move on with your life to go and be hostile towards someone else.” There is no place on a blog that honors a precious little boy for hatefulness and name calling.
Hera … this is my opinion. You can not allow it to go through, and that is okay. It hurts me that there seem to be so many people who lack compassion for others. You are a wonderful strong woman. I will keep you and little Prince in my prayers.
Sherry, you are absolutely right. The reason that I allowed Julia’s comment to come through was because I felt that she was speaking from her perspective and I can take the heat. I do ask that people not attack each other here. That being said, I have weeded out several hateful comments on here and will continue to do so if it gets out of hand. I always appreciate debate and I encourage people to be honest about how they feel (even if you don’t agree with me), but please be respectful of others and don’t resort to personal attacks. Thanks
Hera, I totally, 100% agree with you. I don’t know your or Julia’s pain. I can offer you both support … even though it’s only online. I appreciate the heartfelt comments, and those comments where someone is trying to offer advice. I truly hope that my words to Julia were not taken as abusive. I only can hope that people think about what they are writing and let their compassion show through BEFORE they click on “Post”.
To Ms. Julia …. I totally, 100% DISAGREE with the comment about you being a disgrace. You are NOT. I do not/did not think that of you. My ONLY reason for responding to your comment, was to try and help you see that every person is different. Every person will have different outcomes to every decision they make. EVERY person makes good choices and bad choices. That is how life is. You are not a disgrace. Please do not think that is what I meant with my response to your comments. I believe you are also a strong woman. And I will keep you in my prayers.
Some of the things I have ALWAYS stressed to my girls is that …
1. If you make a bad decision or something turns out bad …. IT IS NOT A MISTAKE – IT IS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE …. However, if you make the same decision or choice again, then it becomes a mistake.
2. Do not judge another until you have walked a few miles in their shoes. You will never truly know why or understand why they have made the decisions they have made until you do.
3. Mind your words … because they more times than not will hurt much worse than a knock upside the head with a 2X4.
4. Show kindness to others no matter how you are treated. This is the most difficult thing to ever do and the most important.
I am very BLESSED in this life. Not that I have not made bad choices, because I have. But I have made some wonderful, good choices. I have a loving husband (27 yrs), and two smart, beautiful young women (my daughters). I am blessed to be on this side of the dirt. 🙂 Because I was very close a few times to not being.
Anyway, Hera & Julia …. You both are strong, loving, compassionate women. I pray that our Lord will always watch over you. May He give you comfort when you are feeling low. May He offer His light in your darkest hours. May He walk with you through your trials. And may you always feel His amazing grace & love.
I stopped reading the comments after the first one that was blaming you. I have a daughter and a son who are very blessed with a wonderful father but everyday my husband and I worry about the fact that we have brought our children into this crazy world. It is a sad reality that no matter how much we would like to protect our children, psychos and nutjobs are out there. Sometimes, they are disguised as gentle souls and one will never find out until something awful happens. I am so sorry that you have lost your beautiful baby in the most awful way and I hate the fact that it could have been avoided. My husband and I will never understand how this judge would ever grant unsupervised visits with someone like your ex. Blows our minds. A psycho will always be a psycho…they will never change. Prince was so beautiful…My heart really breaks for you. And people should just keep their mouths shut if they have nothing good to say. I know you would have loved to have Prince with someone who would be the best dad to him…and you thought you did. He turned out to be a psycho, but you had your beautiful boy. It’s like that saying, “it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” Although only for a brief period, you had Prince in your life and you felt joy you would never have felt if he hadn’t been born. Xoxo
I am so sorry for your loss. You and your son are in my prayers. Thank-you, for continuing to fight for your son. In exposing the people who failed him, you may help other children. Your son’s life meant something. God willing your grief will be eased with time.
Momma just keep doing what you are doing. I am a victim too of what I believe to be a severe narcissist. In fact I just got my 11 year old back after she was kidnapped by him and kept for almost a month. And to Julia, sometimes the printed word does not convey the correct message. When I read your comment I too sensed an amount of victim blaming too. Not your intention, to be sure, but it is still there. One last thing momma, I got the same attitudes as well. If i had a penny for every time I heard – well you had a child with him – I would be a million are by now. If my ex had pnched me in the face on the first date, there would have been no marriage or child.
It reached Australia !!! A-MEN!! I could just SQUEAL for joy! I applaud you, Mama McLeod! You stand, you fight, you kneel and you pray. But know that your message has made it around the world, dear girl! You DID IT!
This is only the beginning – march on!
I knew my ex for an entire year before we got married, and I did not get pregnant until we had been married for two years. I did not understand that he was a sociopath for a long time after we were married. Your situation may be different than mine, or Hera’s, but please, don’t make such broad assumptions. Perhaps you feel guilty because your situation started as a result of jumping in the sack too soon, but that’s NOT the only way these sick men entrap women. Mine for one, lied to me for an entire year about his religious beliefs, his history, his lifestyle and many other things even though he was NOT getting sex. He wanted to get married, not because he loved me, but because he wanted a mother to take care of him, and because he wanted to the status of being married, and for other reasons which had nothing to do with love, and had everything to do with manipulation and control.
I could go on and on, but this is about Hera and Prince, so I won’t spill my guts about my own sad story, but truly, I am shocked by your comments and by your lack of empathy for Hera, especially since you say that you yourself were a victim of a sociopath.
I am so glad that you are making all of this public. I hope Judge Algeo steps down or at the very least that he learns from this and never puts another child at risk. The bar indeed was set too low. I hear it all the time. It’s truly a crisis in this country. Maybe little Prince will change that.
Julia – Hera is absolutely right in calling you ‘naive’. And your ‘explanation’ of WHY you can’t be naive just cos you asked her proves it. The point of Hera’s posts is not her misjudgment of character, which is a simple mistake that HUMANS make. It’s about the fact that she lost her only child. Don’t say you’ve been there just for the sake for it. If you haven’t lost a child, no, Julia, you haven’t been there. No mother deserves to lose her child, no matter what. There’s just no good enough reason. In your initial post you are judging and judging some more. There’s no mention of you ‘understanding’ Hera’s anguish. So yes, you judged her. You don’t know her or her situation to make those silly assumptions. Besides, the point for which you’re standing doesn’t even concern you neither is it of any relevance. You’re basically just confirming whatever she said about the judge (no pun intended) who said it was her mistake to start with.
Do you know the saying, ‘don’t judge a book by the cover’? Well it applies here in so many ways that I won’t even bother explaining.
Hera, my heart aches for you. I can’t even think of my life without my little girl and I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, as I said no one can understand unless they’ve been there. The least people can do is be compassionate and support your cry for help. RIP Prince, you’re in a way better place and someday you will get justice xxx
It pains me to see so much insensitivity regarding comments made both here and in the WP. Those of us who have TRULY been involved with Narcissists, Sociopaths and/or Psychopaths understand the capabilities of these individuals and exactly how they operate. They seek kind, loving, trusting people and via use of manipulation and projection draw them in, it is not until they have you hook, line and sinker that there true colors surface. I don’t care how long you know or date someone, one will never know what others are capable of. I would like to add that I posted a comment on the WP that was immediately removed because the writer I commented on is quite possibly Luc himself and definitely a Narcissist. I am able share my posting as I had saved it before it was sent, here it is:
WPOST reader…I have dealt with Narcissistic Psychopaths over the years and can read them like a book. “The father, Joaquin S. Rams, did not return calls in recent days seeking comment” to the WP yet opted to further traumatize your victims via use of Projection using this site as a smearing campaign and loving every minute of it. NP’s operate via premeditated, methodical rants while confident that ill comments of others (who do not know the facts) will assist in their venture. Revisiting your comments will shed some light on what’s really going on here let’s break them down, shall we? 1. “Was there neurological evaluation/testing done to pursue this issue (febrile seizures) for the baby? As a mom, I would have been at Children’s Hospital for full and complete assessment” via use of Projection, blaming the mother was the first attempt at striking a nerve. You then suggest “extensive research on seizure disorder and death” as if there was some sort of pre-exiting condition because acceptance of responsibility is not an option for you so planting this seed of deception a must. Oh, and professing to be a concerned mother…priceless! 2. In the next posting the already suggested pre-existing condition incidentally becomes “COMPLEX SEZIURE DISORDER- neurological disorders including epilepsy which could result in cardiac arrest” note the BOLD print as if see here it couldn’t have been your fault as this supposed disorder “could” result in cardiac arrest but not likely. I’m not buying it but I’m sure this will be used in your defense during trial for Murder. While creating options so to speak…I’d like to go with Shaken Baby Syndrome which also causes seizures can be fatal and is a form of abuse. “The family attacks…why not include a health system that failed to diagnose an underlying and significant health condition?” Here we go again with the suggested health condition. Wait, then adds “as a mother there is NO WAY I would not have sought out BEST EVALUATIONS for my son” again Projecting blame elsewhere knowing that the mother did just that…sought several opinions of Licensed Professionals (please note that these seizures did not start occurring until you had unsupervised visits, DURING the second visit to be exact). The power of suggestion utilized once again: “Something was brewing”. “Clearly” was added just to reassure yourself that you were heard “clearly” while trying to throw the mother and her family under the bus knowing you are the guilty party. “The mother has to look at own role” really? The child was in your possession at the time of his demise, not the mothers. “Personal responsibility? What a concept”…incredible! You should take heed of your own advice. One can only confirm that this is you (Joaquin S. Rams) by the repetitive garble which includes “blame and shame” To then suggest that the mother needs “personal mental health counseling” reprehensible when it is you yourself sir that needs this. “Your your” the one to blame, shame on you! “Why has the father not been arrested?” they will soon be knocking on your door as a suspect in not only one death but now 3. Why don’t YOU “honor your son by being a person of integrity” and turn yourself into the authorities. Entry #3 “Just pointing out the obvious to reasonable and educated people” and #4. “Glad to see some FACTS finally brought to light on this sad sad situation” DITTO! … Projection at its finest. You have been utilizing other usernames, suchacrock ring a bell? You enjoy chaos and thrive off of it. If you were truly innocent you’d have much to say to the WP directly yet remain speechless, go figure.
I guess the opinion of the WP is it’s ok to bash a suffering mother and her family with ill comments but not ok to point out that Narcissists have been posting on their website. So much for Freedom of Speech and the Broken System 🙁
(Momma of 2) What a beautiful thing to say: “you felt joy you would never have felt if he hadn’t been born.”
(Catherine) Take comfort in the fact that someday years from now he will be the first thing you see when you pass.
(Amanda) In exposing the people who failed him, you may help other children. Your son’s life meant something.
^^^THESE comments are focusing on the good in a nasty situation. I believe Hera needs a great deal more of that and a great deal less of the negative banter.
Please – everyone take a look at what you’re investing in. The unnecessary loss of a precious baby boy is the focus … a grieving mother’s pain is the focus … finding a way to move beyond the God-forsaken nightmare of the distorted justice system is the focus -NOT accusatory comments and criticism.
I just want to ask that we speak our minds but that we maintain personal composure, keeping our comments beneficial to the readers, (especially to Hera) rather than critical. Someone said that Julia was a ‘disgrace’ – I believe she was only trying her level best to share what was meaningful to her. In all things I think we must simply consider the source. Even Hera was able to do that and respond from a place of personal strength and with as much kindness as she could muster. Please – this is a tragedy that brought us together. We have all convened to fortify one another. Please decide to be gracious with your feedback.
May I add,
(Jennifer) If my ex had punched me in the face on the first date, there would have been no marriage or child <–this takes the cake in describing just how 'easy' it would have been to avoid being fooled.
(Christine) “You must of loved him at one time, right?” No!!! I never knew him!!! Not until it was too late <–'I never knew him' gave me chills. I want to say that just because there are those who HAVE fallen in love before knowing all there is to know about a person does NOT mean that love should continue past the abuse that lands these people before a judge! I am miffed at the legal system when they suggest you (and your children) should pay for your decisions rather than applauding your efforts to improve them! Falling prey to a pretense should not deliver a lifetime of terror and tears.
(Sherry) My point is that you cannot assume that getting intimate so “quickly” after meeting is only a tendency of psychopaths. <–What a sentence!
(hmabry) There is no “expiration date” on a psychopath’s charm …….. rest assured that their victims (the living ones, anyway) often never trust anyone again, period …… pray that you’re never a victim of the kind of horror that brings strangers out of the woodwork to turn your tragedy back onto you. <–HOLY COW! Thank you for your insight!
Lisa, thank you for bringing all these together. One thing that gives me goose bumps is the idea that we are creating a movement. All of us are coming to a place and creating a dialogue and hoping for change. I appreciate so much everyone taking their time to come and comment and join this discussion. As long as comments are not rude and overtly just intending to be hurtful without any read thought – I will not stop the discussion or remove comments.
Just today, someone felt the need to comment on this page and insult my son. I thought about whether or not I should let the comment go in order for people to see the true negativety that can come from people even in the midst of this tragic situation. I chose, however, to delete the comment because I will not let anyone insult my son’s memory. You can attack me and question me all you want, but this will always be a place for my son’s memory to be safe.
I digress…but really I just want to say how much I appreciate the overwhelming support I have gotten from complete strangers. Every day, at least one person asks me how I can stay strong in the face of this unimaginable chaos. It’s because of my friends, my family, and the kindness and words of strength from strangers. Thank you all.
My wise grandmother used to say . Watch a person’s actions and listen to their words. If they don’t match…RUN. She must have run into a psychopath during her life at some point.
Hmm…my mom used to say this too….lol
I wish I had a grandma like yours. She is wise. Hera, you are doing well. I was considering if julia were real up above, she had better look out, if that’s the only thing she learned. It won’t save her from these types which is why it’s so offensive but sitting back not reacting made me see her words would be her own demise. Then came the decoder who believes it to be HIM. It sure sounds like Skylar to me…….:) I have shared your story many places. I have also seen it far and wide as soon as the report came out. I am glad as this will help springboard you into a position to help as you can.
FYI, I didn’t sleep with my psycho for a while and had the church and his christian family covering for him. I did use protection but he poked holes in it. I had a baby. If they target you, you have no prayer when you don’t understand or even know what you are looking for or at. Just my experience.
You are a very strong amazing woman.
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