Love At First Sight
In February 2010, I met Lucifer for the first time in person (after several phone conversation and email exchanges). While in the above picture he appears to have aged about ten years in the three years since I first met him, I cannot say he didn’t look just as menacing back then – to some degree he did. The public is without a doubt wondering how a pretty, intelligent, and educated woman would have fallen for such a thug. (I have moments myself when I wonder the same thing.) Well, I am here to tell you that love is dangerous. I fell in love with the man Lucifer created specially for me. He read me like a book and presented who I believed, at the time, was my soul mate and Prince charming. Had I had the benefit of hindsight, I would have run away screaming. Instead, I was caught up into a whirlwind fake romance and fell victim to one of life’s most hideous and dangerous crimes -relationship fraud.
Some of you may wonder how a woman who had her son murdered could still qualify “relationship fraud” as one of life’s most hideous and dangerous crimes. I truly believe this to be the case because it was relationship fraud that precipitated these horrible events. Had Luc not presented a “false self”, I would never have fallen in love with him. Had I been exposed to the real monster hiding under the button-down shirt and khaki pants (this is what he wore when he wanted people to see the fake self), I would never have gone on a first date with this man.
Paul Ebert, the Commonwealth Attorney, said to me the other day that he didn’t know how I got wrapped up with such a man. This is after telling me that good people didn’t hang around with Luc. After spending a couple of minutes trying to explain myself to him, I realized that this might be a losing battle. Unless you have been charmed by one of these people it is very hard to understand. (His lawyers and the therapists who were all conned into defending him likely know this well) I know this because I used to be one of those people who believed that this sort of thing could never happen to someone like me. I would have watched this story on the news myself and said things like, “See…people like this should not have children, because they clearly are not responsible enough to properly vet their partners.” I would have said this because I was ignorant and because I was naïve.
Love is dangerous and the natural emotions a woman feels when she has a child with a man can be deadly. While Luc never came out and told me things like how his mother was found in his house lying dead on a plastic bag (and he was living off of her life insurance policy), he did have moments of rage and anger that scared the hell out of me. That being said, these moments didn’t happen until I was already in love with the “fake self”. As these nightmarish episodes occurred, I held onto the memory of the Luc I had first met and didn’t want to believe that this man didn’t exist. I had been love bombed.
The relationship that I had with this man cost me more than most people will ever experience in their lifetimes. The most hideous reality here is that this fraudulent relationship produced a sweet and innocent little boy. That boy is no longer with us because his mother feel in love with an “alleged” serial killer. His mother was a target who fell into a dangerous trap. Instead of mourning what happened to this little boy, there are many who feel better blaming his mother for having looked at this evil man and fallen for his charm and charisma. I have paid dearly for the mistakes that I have made, but I challenge you all to remember a time when you have made a mistake – to remember a relationship that when it ended you breathed a sigh of relief for having dodged a bullet – to remember regretting having fallen for someone’s lies. All of us have done things for which we are not proud (if you haven’t then you are probably a little disordered yourself), but most of us have not had to pay for those mistakes with the loss of our children.
I ask you to focus this conversation on my son and his legacy. Let’s not ignore what happened here – making ourselves feel better trying to believe this could never happen to us or anyone we know. Not only could this happen to anyone, but something similar (maybe to not the same degree) has happened to someone you know. If you ignore the reality of how dangerous people like Luc are, chances are greater that this sort of thing will happen to you.
I would be lying if I said I couldn’t remember a time when I looked at this monster and believed he was a good man. Now, however, I look at this mug shot and I see the devil himself. I see a man who is ugly, menacing, and evil. I am thankful that no matter what happens to this man, no other woman (or man) will ever be conned by this man into believing that he is good.
I can honestly estly say, yes, I was also a victim of relationship fraud. As a self proclaimed, “strong woman”, it is shame enough to know you have been duped into loving a person who was never deserving of your love, but then to be judged upon your actions by people who do not know what you suffered through.. Its beyond difficult, my son’s father had an excuse for everything, why his other children’s mothers hated him, oh, they were crazy, excuses for why he never saw his other kids, oh, their mothers refused to allow him his happiness, it was only after he lied to his children’s mother, telling them he was bringing them to our home for a weekend, and he didn’t, he took them to a drug addicts home, left them in her care, they overdosed on her anti psychotics, thank goodness, not fatal, ended up in the hospital, almost died, that I truly saw what he was made of. A cold hearted bastard who still found an excuse. Their mother didn’t teach them any better! Are you kidding? My son hasn’t had the displeasure of knowing this man, and as long as I’m alive, he won’t ever. I don’t wish your situation on anyone, Hera, and I can’t even begin to imagine what you must feel. I pray for you every day, and thank you a thousand times over for sharing your story with us, as hard as it may be. I hope Lucifer has all his karma waiting for him in prison, and I pray he never sees the life of a free man. May he rot in eternal hell..
The book A Dance with the Devil by Barbara Bentley discusses her similar experience. She didn’t experience as tragic an outcome as you did, but I think the book shows that someone with that much evil CAN con good people.
My heart breaks reading this. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I know – at least to some degree – the guilt that others may be placing on you, that you may sometimes place on your own head. You see, I, too, was duped by relationship fraud. The four children that I bore to my abuser are still living (though another was killed in-utero), but we live with the permanent effects of years of sexual, physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. It is refreshing to know that Luc will not be able to harm anyone else. (I wish I could say the same for my ex.) Know that, though you may feel alone, there are many of us out here who understand. And I would absolutely love to help you spread the truth of how easily even the strongest, most intelligent people can be manipulated into falling for the wiles of such charlatans. Much love to you!
I am keeping you in my prayers, and praying for peace in your heart. Your lil man is safe with Jesus now <3 I have a daughter who passed, not like this, or anything close to his, but the pain is something that will never heal. It will get easier to bear….but will never go away. You will see him again someday and he is watching you <3
I see how people love to blame the woman but I too fell for one of these frauds. I was completely mesmerized for years.
Luckily, my child and I are still alive and all I lost was 10 years of my life. My heart goes out to you everytime I read one of your posts
You are in no way, shape or form at fault for what happened. I find it ignorant and quite disturbing for anyone to even insinuate any of this is your fault. You fell in love, that is no crime, unfortunately you fell in love with the devil personified. Of course he’s not going to reveal his true self to, until you were well and truly under his spell. It’s a typical abusive relationship, the abuser NEVER shows their true colours, until it’s too late, I’m angry and appalled that anyone would think you fell in love knowing Luc’s true colours. None of what happened is your fault Hera, none of it. You fell in love and had a baby with the facade of what Luc showed you. Prince was lucky to have you as his Mama, and I know he would be so proud of you. Please ignore the ignorants there is no need for you to have to justify why you fell in love, anyone with a brain cell knows you fell in love with what he allowed you to see. You AND Prince are the innocents. Luc is the guilty one and I wish everyone would remember that.
Yes it’s true, even the savviest, smartest, most confident of women or men for that matter can be conned and well it’s not being conned that then defines you, its what you do when you wake up and realize you’ve been had that defines you.
I challenge anyone who lost 1/2 or better of their retirement investments in “the economy” to defend themselves from “well you should have made better choices”. Find Bernie Madoff’s victims and lecture them for “making a poor choice” or anyone who’s been in a car accident to defend themselves from comments like “well you shouldn’t drive then”. Life is meant to be lived, not to hide from and if you actually live life you will get some bumps and bruises at some point and likely encounter on some level a monster. So those of you who want to pass judgement glad you have a high tower to hide from the world in because that’s the only way you might remain safe forever from those who prey on other humans.
Well said “M”. You make some good analogies. It’s like blaming someone who was mugged for walking down the street with his wallet.
Hera, I think it’s happened to most of us. (The relationship fraud, not the other) Men like that are geared to get into women’s beds and into their lives and their sales techniques would put car salespeople to shame. They gear and mesh themselves to your life, so that you believe the perfect oscar winning act. I think it happens to a greater or lesser degree to most people, whether it be a work colleague making you think he’s a nicer person than he is, a tenant pretending he isn’t going to wreck your house, or a lover who seems to fulfill every dream you’ve ever had. It’s not for the rest of us to judge. We weren’t there, picked out in the headlights waiting for the truck to run over us. I am just so, so sorry that such a small mistake could have had such soul destroying, tragic consequences. You did not deserve what happened to you. You didn’t earn this in any way,n shape or form. Know that people are thinking of you, however that helps. 🙁
I too fell victim to a con artist, married him and had two kids with him. I grow very tired of some people asking me why did I marry him and have kids with him. This is one of the main reasons we have to battle what we do in court! When will others quit blaming the victim? I get to victimized in court over and over. I’m sure you are familiar with this.
I am in the middle of a divorce and custody battle with my ex sociopath. And I can tell you it is a nightmare. I keep hoping word will get out enough about tragedies like yours and other cases that it will bring a change to the system.
I started following your blog on LoveFraud and have continued. I have cried over your story and cannot imagine what you are going through. Please keep up your fight and keep those of us who have been in a relationship with a sociopath in your prayers. Thank you for keeping up your blog and bringing light to these monsters. My prayers are with you.
What an innocent little soul your son was. So very precious. The love between you both in your pictures brings tears to my eyes. My heart breaks for you. I can’t even begin to know how you must grieve. How can ANY person hurt a small defenseless child. My mind can never understand such horror. Prayers to you to find peace again.
We must teach our daughters (and sons, women can be psychopaths too) how to spot these monsters. One of the best tools I think that the Lord gives women to help protect them from these men is the gift of intuition. I think many of us who have been defrauded in a relationship can think of a moment when we had that gut feeling that something was off. I know I did, but I rationalized it away because nothing in my life had prepared me for the fact that psychopaths exist (other than serial killer type movies) and that men are prone to manipulating women. It just wasn’t on my radar whatsoever. If we teach our daughters than these types of men exists and that even non-psychopathic men manipulate women in relationships (especially for sex), than we can help prepare them and hopefully prevent this from happening to them.
When I met my ex I had absolutely no life experience which would have prepared me for the fact that a man would lie about his history, his lifestyle, his habits, and even his spiritual beliefs in order to entrap a woman and lure her into marriage. But a few times during the course of our courtship I had a “bad feeling,” a sort of “uh, oh… what’s up with that?” kind of reaction to his behaviors. And there were some red flags, but at the time I had never heard of relationship fraud and so I did not recognize them as red flags, at least not cognitively, but my “gut” sensed that something was amiss. If only I had gone with my gut. I would have spared myself 13 years of hell on earth.
I’ve counseled two women lately who were both dating a man who was likely defrauding them and one of the things I said to them is this: “I am going to tell you something I wish someone had told me 13 years ago. “If you have any doubts, fears or reservations WHATSOEVER about this man, don’t marry him now, wait and pray, and wait some more and pray some more.” And I told them that I believe the Lord gave women the gift of intuition in part to help protect us from these kinds of men. Both women thankfully called off the weddings/engagements and both are darn lucky they did because both men are losers and would have destroyed their lives.
Still, I realize that intuition is not always enough. These con artists are AMAZINGLY skilled at deceit. I for one am a very, very intuitive, perceptive, person and I read people very well, but I was conned because he was that good. So, we must teach our children about relationship fraud. We simply must.
Christine, you are totally right about intuition. We often set our intuition aside and question ourselves when we should not. I had several moments that did not sit well, but things were not clear enough at the time for me to understand why I was uncomfortable. Ladies, listen to your gut…its usually right.
You know some of my story, and you are so right; unless you have experienced a relationship fraud you have no idea what these creeps are capable of! One thing my ex did a few times was post “old” little love notes I used to write to him, he would hide the date and act as if I just wrote them. I guess he wanted people to think we were still together; who knows what his objective was!! I did at one time think he was my dream come true; I did write love notes…I did all that before his mask fell off. When the blinders of love fall off, when their mask falls off…we see the real monsters they are! So proud of you Hera, what did Luc think; that you’d run scared from him just like everyone else has in the past? That you would drown in your sorrow? He messed with the wrong woman, the wrong mother! The power of Love, your angel is smiling from up above!
Love never fails!!!!!
Olga, yes…don’t they love to show old love letters…as if since we endorsed them once it means that we still do…or that it means they must have been good. It really does seem as if they have a playbook on evil. Thank you for your kind words. The odd thing is that he did know me. He must have known that I wouldn’t let him get away with this crap. He knew Prince was my heart and you cannot stab me in the heart without feeling the consequences. Either he didn’t think about how I would react or just didn’t care enough to pay attention to that personality trait of mine. I am very close to my family. I protect my people and Prince was my number one little person. I will NEVER stop protecting Prince. Unfortunately, I can no longer do so with him here with me…but I will always protect his legacy and I will never let anyone of those who hurt him forget.
There are a few things he didn’t think of…. like autopsies and water in the lungs. And how that huge insurance policy on a tiny child would look.
I did it too. He read me lie a cheap novel, then presented what he knew I wanted to see. Luc is NOT the only one out there, and You and I aren’t the only women who have been taken by one of these abusive users of people. My children were grown, I had nothing to loose but my heart and soul. Those are gone now. People look at the photo of TC and wonder what I ever saw in him. To me he was attractive, sexy and yep.. the soul mate. I am sure you would see the same ugliness in TC as I see in looking at this man. I see evil here and I think I would have even had I not read your previous posts. How do they do it? IDK! I have received word TC is dead.. I have doubts…
I lived my entire adult life being utterly tolerant, to my own detriment, of other people’s “eccentricities”. The problem was that I couldn’t see that this wasn’t just about eccentric people, it was also about pathological and toxic people. I opened the door and invited them to sit at my kitchen table.
I saw a recent photo of my ex-sychopath, 15 months out of the relationship. Even I had a moment of “What the hell was I thinking?”. Here was a photograph of this dirty looking, hairy dude who looked like a serial killer.
I had to sit and remember how charming he was in the beginning. He was so into me, admired me for my intellect, beauty, and accomplishments. He showed me his previous accomplishments in life and his plans for the future, which included me, and it all sounded so great that I was willing to overlook some things and fall into the “bigger picture”. It took me 16 months to figure out that those previous accomplishments and future plans were a lie, that everything about him was a lie constructed to deceive me. I had things that he wanted and he was willing to go to great lengths to get them. The only problem for him is that a psychopath can’t keep up the charade forever. Their own pathology exposes them over time, but it was too late for me.
It was all a scam, from beginning to end.
Hello Sweet Queen,
I don’t think anyone in their right mind could or should ever put the blame of this horrible, horrible crime on you…it is not your fault that this MONSTER con man took your joy and happiness away from you in the form of your precious Prince, and it is definitely not your fault because your precious Prince in gone. You tried everything you could to save your Prince, and the courts, that judge and expecially that MONSTER is at fault. Please know that I have shared your story with so many people, by word of mouth, the internet, facebook and any way possible that I can. I feel that your story has got to go national because these so called people that are suppose to make sure justice is served really let you and your Prince down, and I am here to help you prove that by any means necessary. Please keep your head up and Please know that Gods got your back. I will be following you each and every day because even though I don’t know you personally I feel so close to you because of your blog. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your every day.
Thank you for sharing NeNe. I hope that my son’s legacy can be to save many many more people. I know that even in his short life he has already saved others. He saved me for sure and he saved his older brother by getting him out of that house…and he saved all those who would fall victim to Luc in the future. I hope to tell his story to anyone who will listen in the hopes of making serious changes in these courts – in the Family Courts AND in Criminal Court.
I am so sorry for your loss, as I look at the smile in your baby boys eyes it kills me, we have all fallen victim to a man like this. This is not your fault but you are paying the price, I pray that he gets what he deserves and they do not waste anytime and just sentence him to death. You are in my prayers as a mother of 4 I can not imagine how you feel…..
I warned Luc early on in your relationship that if he ever hurt you or mine he would pay in a manner beyond his dreams. I guess he didn’t listen or believe me. I wish we could have gotten him before he did any more damage. I believe the major blame in all this goes to the Prince William County police who fell down on their jobs several times. Their time will come soon.
I agree Prince’s Grandma, they should have arrested him for killing Shawn, I don’t know if people know it, but he “found her dead”, just like he “found his mother dead”. If they knew he was a suspect in Shawn’s death, the mother’s death should have put him on red alert, but it didn’t. Prince William, Manassas, all of them dropped the ball on these killings…and now we have little Prince, this man should not have been on the streets. I hope they make up for this and why I am asking if anyone can help out with these two other death investigations to please call the investigators.
Well done Hera! Your son would be so proud of you.
I’ve been reading a lot about psychopathy lately. Do you have any idea why some women fall for them while others see them coming a mile away?
Ella, this is a great question to which I am not sure I have a simple answer. Do you want the funny answer? Sometimes I think I suffered from what I call “dirty dog syndrome”…I was the type of woman who liked to see the good in everyone. I would see the dirty dog (or bad dude) and say to myself “he would be so cute if I could just clean him up at home.” So I would take the dog home, clean him up, feed him, and then the dog would bite me. I have now become the type of woman who sees the dog and says, “that is a dirty dog – I think I am going to stay away from that one.” Psychopath men don’t pray on bad women. They pray on women who are caring, loving, trusting, and want to believe the best in people. WIth psychopaths…there is no “best”…only the very worst. Not to say that you are bad if you don’t fall for one, but I just think that many times those who are very good people themselves cannot imagine someone so bad. Once it happens to you, however, you do become one of those who run away when they come around the corner.
I’ve been out of the country and away from the Internet, but I just tuned in and read about Lucifer’s arrest! I’m so glad that you at least get this measure of justice for Prince. I hope he remains in prison, alone and tortured, for the rest of his days.
As for how it is that you fell for him, I’m sure there are many of us who understand exactly how… When I hear people describe my ex as unattractive, puffy, bald, pudgy, I have to look at pictures to remember the two selves that he showed me–the charmer who masked what others could clearly see, and the monster I can’t get out of my head and who appears so readily in each picture now. Like you, I was judgmental of those who’d fallen for such scams. Now that I’ve been a victim, I just want to help and warn others, but so often it’s a frustrating a fruitless endeavor… All best in your battles to change the system to protect our kids!
Please know that I was cheering audibly from a tiny island in the south pacific tonight!
Hera, you and I haven’t spoken on much aside from my involvement with his company, iTech back in 2005, though I can assure you that he is the epitome of a snake charmer. One of the first things I noticed about him when I first met him to show him my artwork for a position as a designer in the company, was that he WAS dressed like a thug. I had my reservations, but when he spoke, it was not like a thug. No, that only came out later down the road when he started playing the company team members against each other in order to work towards something sinister which ultimately, I believe, resulted in his mother’s death.
There’s no stretch by my or any other sane persons’ imagination that could concoct a reason that would put you towards any kind of fault for what happened. You stood before our ruling body, told them to their face they were wrong to endanger a child to this beast’s custody, yet they still did it anyway. They put a man on the bench who clearly did not have any kind of desire to do his job as a JUDGE, and not just an arbiter. He went off empirical evidence and did not at all weight any kind of circumstantial evidence that was at the time unsolved.
When I was battling this creature in the court room myself, against his claims of libel, slander and breech of contract, I laid awake at night just praying for God to use my life in any such way, even if it meant my own death, to better the world and put this man away forever. I hated this man for a very long time, and then I pitied him. Even though it was not by anyone else’s actions or metaphoric sword who ended up slaying this beast, I feel that I myself was a conduit for altering or influencing his course, a mere stumble along his path of terror, knocking him off balance ever just so slightly in such a way that he began to make irreparable mistakes, ultimately leading himself up to this point. My only regret is that when I shouted “be careful” and “watch out”, people didn’t listen. I gave up the fight because no one was marking my words. Sometimes the loudest person is the last to be heard, and I’ve come to terms with understanding that for the 6 years I’ve lived in Tennessee.
I know you’ll always be fighting for Prince’s legacy, and that makes you a good mom. Anyone can be a mother, but it takes a special kind of person to be a “mom”, I should know, I myself have one.
I’ve been sleeping better at night knowing that very soon, I can close this chapter of my life. I wish you all the very best, Hera, and to continue to heal and love. Do not let the touch of this monster corrupt your will or thirst for life.
Thank you for sharing this here CrimsonKnight. I am sorry for the pain you and your family have been through at the hands of this monster. He is menacing to everyone who catches only a glance, but by the time you let him get close enough to speak to you..he finds a way to paralyze your sense of rationale for long enough to completely terrorize and destroy. Don’t worry, Luc has not destroyed me – he has only made me more determined and stronger. He has created super Mama and I believe Prince has started a movement.
Have seen or heard of this story? The judge and bailiff leave this woman alone with the her abuser. She is there trying to get a protection order, she is afraid for her life and they leave her alone with him!
Here is he link:
What a shocking and powerful title to post right over that mug shot. Your previous blog entry had a lot of insightful ideas — and a compelling title as well.
In many cultures as well as ours, the trope of the troubled man being redeemed and fixed by the faith and nurturing and constancy and love of a strong women, or may not even strong, but giving is common. Partners of any genders, actually. It’s one of the things that enables a parasite or abuser to make you out to be a bad or inadequate woman for not going along with his general agenda or latest scheme or request for resources.
I remember seeing a comment in another blog in which someone characterized a bunch of adolescent girls dancing provocatively as cultivation of future victims. My own private thought was that I saw more cultivation in attending church than in those girls.
And I think people do praise selflessness in women than in men.
And of course out and out fraud where it starts.
This is my first post here. I generally want to express my sorrow here for what happened. And additionally for how you have been treated in certain situations where you should have found justice or support.
But I want to add also admiration also for your clarity.
I see you accomplishing much good in the future.
Sorry, that should read:
“nurturing and constancy and love of a strong woman, or maybe not even strong, but at least giving, is common.”
Hera, I too was the victim of relationship fraud which turned to tragedy. I am now fighting for a lost angel whose father took out a life insurance policy on her, then promptly “lost” her. Keep up the faith, your’s and baby boys justice is coming.
I am sorry for your loss Grace4Ayla. 🙁
I’m so sorry for your loss. Was her name Ayla?
Let’s face facts here whole NATIONS of people have been conned by psychopaths – I will give you Nazi Germany under Hitler as just one example….