Saying Goodbye

Baby Boy’s name is Prince.  We had Prince’s funeral tonight.  I still feel very numb.  I wasn’t sure how I would feel about seeing him in the casket, but I am very glad I made the decision to do so.  I went in alone at first.  I read him his favorite book, “Oh Baby, Go Baby” by Dr. Seuss.

I cried and placed my hand on his chest.  He was so cold, and he didn’t look like himself.  He did, however, look peaceful.  The way I saw him in the hospital was so horribly traumatic that it felt a bit like closure to see him there in his baptism suit.  He looked a lot older than 15 months.  He was a wise toddler though.  My little guardian angel had come to do a job and it was like his job was done and he was returning to God.

I haven’t always been a religious person.  I have always believed in God, but after my son’s death I feel somehow closer to God.  Prince came into this world for a reason.  The church tonight was filled with people who loved him and it was obvious that he had made a huge impact on this world.  To me, though, he made the biggest impact one could ever make.  He taught me about true love, what passion really feels like, how to laugh, how to smile just because, and also about incredible loss.  That little man made me so happy.

Tonight, my mind is going in a million directions.  I feel such incredible pain, but I also feel hopeful that I will be able to carry out the mission Prince was sent to this earth to accomplish.  I am not sure yet what our mission entails, but I do know that little Prince lives on inside of me and I owe it to him to be a more extraordinary woman than I had originally set out to be. I didn’t fully appreciate life before my son came into this world.  His life was so short, but it was so important.

Tomorrow I will bury my son.  That is the most unnatural and terrible thing that a parent could ever be asked to do.  I will, however, rise to the occasion because he is my son and I owe him strength.  Prince was wise beyond his age.  He taught me to love with my whole heart and for that I will forever be thankful.

Mama misses you more than you will ever know little man.  God has welcomed you home son.  Please wait for Mama.  I will join you someday in heaven and we will continue our journey together.


  1. Great Auntie Elva on October 25, 2012 at 9:04 am

    All my tears and heart goes out to you and your family. The handsome little Prince will alway remain a part of my soul. May the Lord Bless and keep you strong.

  2. Christine on October 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Praying for you.

  3. Anita on October 25, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Looking for words about sociopaths, I come to your site for the first time, and I can’t say how sorry I am. I don’t have words to tell you how much. I wish I could make you tea. I wish I could do anything at all for you.

  4. Laura on October 26, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    cappiciono queen, i too discovered your blog about an hr ago reading as much as i could and then i read what had happened… omg god i am at a loss for words. i am so very sorry he has passed from your world on earth> . lk and gang

  5. Linda velez on October 27, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    and said:
    “We bring nothing at birth;
    we take nothing
    with us at death.
    The [Lord] alone gives and takes.
    Praise the name of the [Lord]!”
    In spite of everything, Job did not sin or accuse God of doing wrong. (JOB 1:21, 22 CEV)

    I know your pain I hear it in every word you write. Writing is good for you, it allows you to express what is locked up in deep inside. Your blog is touching so many hearts, you don’t ever realize, and that is a Blessing in its self.The Scripiture I sent you is the story of job in the old testament . Talk about heart break…… this man went to hell and back.Most powerful story of love and pain , please when your head is clear, your thoughts are some what peaceful……. try to read this powerful story.You will see what God can do in your LIFE. He is the……God of most high, I Am,God of Heaven, Eternal God,Omnipotent,Infinite,Just,Wrath,mercerful,Holy,Long suffering,he is the Alfa and Omega, Begging and the end.

    John 11:4 this sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God,that the Son of God may be Glorified through it). It will be your strength in God, if you allow him to live in your Spirit through him. We are SPIRIT leaving in a human body. It is our choice to make and develop a true relationship with our Father in heaven, to cry out to him in our pain, and to sing praise’s to him in our Joy.He will bring comfort in theses painful times if you allow him to. These are the times in our life we have no one else to turn to as you know . People mean well, but they will disippoint us when we need them the most. God is always there if we allow him to come into our hearts. Doesn’t mean we will live in a rose garden. There will always be pain and sorrow, he will walk you through it, Trust…… him.This life is just a short time, eturnity is for ever. That is our promise to live with him for eturnity in a painless, beautiful perfect, New world,untouched by evil and destruction .God will destroy all that is evil, you can count on that. For now we have to go through this “PAIN of LIFE” to grow in Gods love and know he is GOD.He is a jelouse God for you. That is in a good way.He loves you and wants you to be strong and over come the world, as he has. Trust in him he is your ROCK.Let no one come before me…. He says no one. Not your Mother, Father, Husband or Son.

    I hope you see I am sharing Gods word with you.I prayed that he would give me the words to share with you. Your life and story has touched my heart in a very personal way.God will bless you again like he did Job. Please read his story.Time and God will heal you grow closer to God and I promise!!! he will show you your Path.

  6. Debbie on February 20, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    Your mission is to help others and right alot of wrongs – and I am sure you will achieve it. Sorry you both had to suffer in order for this to happen. Your story has touched my soul