The honor our children deserve
Each day, I think about the things I could have done to prevent my son from dying. Regardless of how many people tell me the absurdity of this exercise, it is something that every parent who has lost a child (especially in this way) will do. While I am smart enough to realize how my hands were tied in many ways, I still wish I had been strong enough to run away (essentially breaking the law) in order to save my baby boy from the fate he suffered while he was with his father.
Several people had a hand in delivering Prince to Luc. I have spoken about many of them here on my blog. What I find interesting is how many of those people have not been strong enough to admit their mistakes. Beyond not admitting, they have not taken the steps to identify how they could avoid this sort of disaster in the future. Most of them are too busy denying that they had any part in what happened to Prince.
I have heard from several Judge Algeo supporters over the past few months. They have commented on the Washington Post article and one of them has even infiltrated my Facebook page. Instead of sending their condolences, these people feel compelled to talk about Judge Algeo’s honor and about how he is a family man. While I cannot make a comment on how he is to his own family (I would assume he would care about his own family), I do believe I am entitled to comment on how fit he is to be presiding over Family Court.
Additionally, I would like to comment about “honor”. To me, the most honorable type of person is someone who can admit their mistakes and allow these mistakes to improve them. While Judge Algeo posed as a man trying to do what was best for Prince, he ended up bending over backward to accommodate Luc. Luc sat on the stand and cried on cue playing the judge like a piano. While Judge Algeo called Luc’s criminal behavior smoke and clouds, the dramatics and continuous perjury committed by Luc clearly clouded Judge Algeo’s vision.
Even after what has happened to Prince, Judge Algeo has been “unable to comment”. His spokesperson has said that he is barred by the judicial code of conduct from speaking about active cases in which he may need to rule in the future. Even though I know Judge Algeo is aware of Prince’s passing, it is baffling that he still considers this case “active”. What will you be ruling on Judge Algeo? Should I plan to roll out the red carpet for Luc to have visitation at the grave site? Should I be forced to now invite Luc to Christmas dinner in Prince’s memory? After all that has happened here, it certainly wouldn’t surprise me if this were the sort of thing Judge Algeo had in mind when he believed the case was still “active”.
At what point will our society realize that not everyone should be a parent. That’s right – I said it. Being a parent should be seen as a privilege and not a right. If your behavior is dangerous to the degree that people keep dropping dead around you, the court should be able to take away your parental rights. If you insist on not getting a real job and instead living off of the people you have conned, you have no business being around a child. If you have been arrested repetitively for violent crimes (even if you are able to weasel your way out), this should cause the court to wonder if you are truly innocent. Parents should be forced to be on their best behavior and prove that they can be safe role models to their children.
Being a judge in family court is not an easy job. The emotions run high, but the stakes are even higher. In order to address these difficult societal issues, we deserve a Judge who is up for the challenge. If you work at McDonalds and hate your job, you might ruin someone’s lunch. If you work in Family Court and hate your job, you could ruin an innocent child’s life. What happened to my son was a terrible tragedy which none of us will ever be able to rectify. My son will never get to do the things that Judge Algeo’s children have done. He will never again laugh, dance, or say “Mama”. He will never learn to read and he will never have his first day of kindergarten.
Though my son didn’t survive our broken system, we now have an opportunity to make sure we learn from the mistakes that Prince did not survive. What I worry about, though, is that the egos of these public servants will get in the way of progress. If these people cannot get out of the way of their dangerous egos, more children will die. I was not the first mother to lose her child, but I want to be the last. I want this madness to stop here because I can’t bear the thought of my son’s death being for naught.
Again you have shown the incredible strength and courage to elegantly share your truth from your heart.
The ‘system’ that is supposed ‘to protect the public’ should have a safeguard for protecting children being used to control the other parent. The psychological profile of ‘high conflict’ individuals, abusers, bullies, and controllers is all well established. Judges could easily categorize cases based on levels of conflict based on psychological profiles that are commonly seen in divorces, felony cases, rapes, murders, fraud. Psychopathy is not a secret anymore. The patterns of behavior are so uniquely characteristic that they can not be missed unless people choose not to identify the pattern. An fMRI scan of the brain is less invasive that a drug test and could be used to identify people with an emotional impairment.
It has also been my experience that Doctors, Lawyers and Judges do not make mistakes. At least they never admit them. There is NO ACCOUNTABILITY of Judges, Doctors, or Lawyers in the process of deciding the lives of children. Complaints never go anywhere and they are never found guilty of any wrong doing because they are all self regulated. You will get a carefully worded letter saying that they could find no violation without any explanation. I had one forensic evaluation industry organization tell me in two hours that it had fully investigated the complaint and found no ethical violation of a Doctor who failed to conduct a psychological evaluation, as ordered by the Court.
The Court’s must be forced to look at the patterns of behavior otherwise they will never hold them accountable and prevent further injustices at the hands of psychopaths.
The Sandy Hook shooting is another sign that mental illness and psychological profiling needs to be properly considered by the Courts if the public is to be protected.
First of all I want to thank you for everything that you are doing. I have been following your story for the past few weeks, and I want you to know that I am so sorry for your loss. I look at your beautiful boy and I can’t imagine how the system that was set up to protect him, instead failed him so miserably. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for still continuing to advocate not only for your baby boy, but for all the other children who are currently caught up in a system who bases it’s decisions on statistics and not facts.
My ex-husband has been called many things by health professionals who through the years have been treating my older children for the damage that he has done to them after years of abuse. From a Sociopath to a Narcissist…instead of defending himself when he’s called these things, he embraces these terms with such pride. He is truly proud of the person that he is, and even more proud that he fits the profile. After 15 years of marriage I finally got the courage to stand up to him and leave him taking my 4 children with me. Three and a half years later after receiving minimal support from this man, I filed for Child Support through the courts back in May of this year. A week later he filed for joint custody of my 4 children even though up to that point, he was only spending a total for 4 days a month with my kids (he NEVER asked to spend any more time with them).
After filing the custody papers he sent me a text message telling me that he had warned me not to go after him for support, and because I did, “my day was going to come”. He proceeded to tell me that he only filed for 50/50 custody so that he wouldn’t have to pay me any support, and even went as far as to tell me that since I earned more income then he, he was going to make sure that not only did I loose time with my kids but that I would also now be paying him. I have plenty of documentation showing his intent with regard to seek custody of my children, but even so the courts have forced my hand, and have essentially given him everything he is seeking. Per the judge assigned to my case, statistics show that kids who spend equal time with parents do better than kids who don’t. When my attorney and I tried to argue the fact that he is not a stable man the judges answer…until he shows the court otherwise, we feel that he deserves the chance to do right by his children. Even after hearing that he had physically abused my older two children (both who are now teenagers), the judge felt that with counseling, everything would eventually be okay.
I am so angry at our family court system. I feel as though they are experimenting with my children, giving a grown man the chance to step up and be a dad after proving for 17 years (the age of my oldest son) that he is not capable of being a loving parent. My two oldest are 17 and 15, I worry about them, but at the same time I know they know what to do if he were to abuse them. My fear lies with regard to my 12 year old daughter and my 5 year old son. My children are terrified of him…so much so that they refused to speak to the judge about their father; even after being assured that the courts would never disclose to him what they say, they are still afraid to talk.
Hence now I wait, collecting any additional evidence that I can so that I can someday prove that he is a danger to my children. All this while I pray to god that he please keep my babies safe, since the courts tell me that I am not allowed to intervene. I am their mother, everything in me is screaming that I need to protect my children and that I NEED to get them out of this situation…yet I’m being told that I can’t. The system as it is currently set up, does NOT protect children. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for fighting not just for your baby, but for my children. God bless you.
Flawed Mommy, I commend you for having the courage to leave. After 15 years, I can only imagine how hard that must have been. I thank God every day that I was not with Luc for longer before his mask came down. The longer the exposure to a psychopath is….I think the harder it is to walk away. So for that, I commend you. Keep fighting for your kids. It’s the most important fight. Don’t be hard on yourself because its clear that you are doing the best you can. If I can make one suggestion…if you can give up child support..it might be worth offering that and this one might walk away.
I agree with CQ. If you could offer to drop your claim for child support if he’d walk away, that may be your best chance of protecting your children. My ex also used custody to control, intimidate and terrify me. All he really wanted was the money, but he knew that holding custody over my head would make me more “compliant” and willing to settle, and in the end that’s what happened. He sees them only 20 hours per month even though he’s allowed to have them much more. He never wanted them, but the Order from the court makes it look like he wants and exercises “liberal visitation.” Don’t be so hard on yourself. I stayed for 12 years. It was Hell literally from the honeymoon on, but it took me that long to get the courage to get out. I will pray for your children.
CQ, I continue to pray for justice for little Prince. Thanks for having the courage to share your story with us.
As it became clearer to me that the courts were not going to help my children, I offered my “Ex” through mediation, that I would drop the child support claim, if he were to drop the custody dispute over the children. Sadly, he quickly realized that by having more access to my children he also has more access to me. He is enjoying the fact that he can now legally harass me under the guise that he is just trying to “co-parent”. He refused my offer because he knew full well that by that point he had me exactly where he wanted me. It’s an everyday struggle, but I vow to keep collecting the evidence I need to someday put an end to the control he has over the lives of my children and I.
I have also been involved with a psycho. First, let me express my heartbreak for the loss of your precious son. Second, let me commend you for the strength and valor you have displayed throughout the insanity you have suffered.
I have some advice for you. Please e-mail me.
BeenThere, I am sorry about your involvement with a psycho. Whether or not you have lost a child, nobody ever leaves these sorts of relationships unharmed. Feel free to email me at email@example.com I am always up for advice. 😉
Good family man or not, Judge Algeo demonstrated he is unfit to preside over Family Court. I am sure there are countless stories to disabuse my theory, but consider this: THE person in the best position to know whether his or her child is threatened is the person who was involved with the Threat. Hera was conned by this poor-excuse-for-a-human-life, she was threatened by him. Her family was threatened by him. SHE understood what she was up against, yet — and this is where the WaPO got it right — because Luc pulled the performance of a lifetime as a father who wanted to be involved with his kid’s life, judgement was clouded. In the face of what appears to a rational human to be overwhelming evidence of someone who should not only not have any parental rights but who should be permanently prevented from ever fathering children, it was beyond irresponsible to permit unsupervised visits. A request for supervision until the child is old enough to speak for himself should be the only way visitation is done in these cases. Never mind that Luc should never have been permitted near Hera and Prince.
At a minimum, Algeo should have no involvement with this case ever again, nor should any of the lawyers involved in it originally. A bad call is forgivable in some lines of work, but not this.
I know this has been a year without words to describe your loss and struggles. I hope you feel the love I send along with all the other people who support your efforts and feel for you this season. May the new year bring justice for your son and change for to the system which is way overdue.
Hera, we have removed the facebook page in honor of your son, at your request. We apologize for any inconvenience or negative implications. Our intention was merely to support you and shed light on this injustice. It will take 14 days for the page to be deleted permanently on facebook. In the meantime, we have selected the “unpublish” option.
Lee Strong, Views of the Child Society
Thank you Lee. I do appreciate View of the Child Society helping to celebrate Prince’s life and fighting for justice. At this point, however, I would just prefer if the View of the Child Society would mention Prince on their site vice creating a site for Prince. I hope this makes sense. I just want to try and keep that sort of page or tribute central. I know that your intensions were pure and I totally appreciate them, I am just trying to limit multiple pages. Thank you for your passion and your support. I hope that you keep speaking about Prince and sharing the story through your organization.