The Incredibly Disgusting Double Standard

It is no secret how I feel about the state of women in America (and all over the world).  I have often referred to the fact that it appears as though the courts have waged a war on Motherhood.  In recent news, it appears as though the justice system has intentionally turned a blind eye to the idea of a woman’s right to choose when and where she has sex – and with whom.  The message young boys and men are being sent in our current society is that they are allowed to have sex with whomever they desire – regardless of whether or not the woman is consenting.  If the woman doesn’t want to have sex, a man can simply just video tape her and tell everyone she is a whore.  Instead of going to prison, the rapist will be able to terrorize his victim relentlessly without any consequences for his behavior.

Some people might read this and think I am being overly dramatic.  ‘Come on Cappuccino Queen, its not like men are running around raping women in the streets,’ you might be thinking.  While it might not have reached that level of social exception, it is disturbing that according to a 2010 Center for Disease Control survey, nearly 1 in 5 women in the United States have been raped at some point in their life, including forced and attempted forced penetration and alcohol/drug facilitated penetration.  Forty-two percent of female rape victims experienced their first rape before the age of 18.

Current Events:

Just this month, two teenage girls have killed themselves after photos of their sexual abuse were posted online. Rehtaeh Parsons was 17 years old.  She was called a slut and bullied after her abusers emailed photos of her sexual assault around the school.  The other girl, 15-year-old Audrie Pott took her own life after pictures of her sexual assault by three boys appeared online.

A sane person would think that the fear of getting caught for raping a girl would deter a rapist from posting the evidence of the rape online; however, many times rapists use video tapes or pictures in an attempt to claim that a girl consented to sex.  Those who find it easier to blame the victim instead of consider the horrible truth, might jump to the conclusion that the girl wouldn’t let somebody take their picture if they weren’t consenting to sex.  The breakdown of that argument, however, comes when you consider the obvious reality that in most cases the woman is not consenting to be photographed or video taped and unless you are present in the room when the event occurred – there is no way to determine who controlled the video, how it was taken, and the level of consent from all parties.


The Amazing Male Circle of Trust:

While I don’t have the personal experience of being raped, video tapped, and then assaulted again when the sexual assault video footage goes viral, I do know exactly what its like to be written off as a liar simply because of my gender.  It is amazing how Judge Algeo had no evidence to suggest that Luc cared about Prince, other than his word, yet he was so convinced that Luc’s motives were pure.  He chose to believe a man who couldn’t even tell the truth about how old he was, and who had a history of abuse and chaos that followed him where ever he went.

One of my witnesses, who Luc had been involved with at some point, was written off in court by Judge Algeo didn’t agree with the choices she had made when she was younger and the jobs she had chosen to work.  Luc had never held an honest job in his life, but his word meant more than this woman who has worked steady jobs since the day she left school.  Judge Algeo didn’t seem to be concerned about the fact that Luc had no problem leeching financially off of this woman, but couldn’t seem to get past his own personal bias against her former lifestyle choices.  She was written off as a slut in Algeo’s eyes, while the man who sexually abused and exploited her  was brought into the court’s circle of trust.


It’s all connected:

In the “lovely” state of Maryland, even sex offenders and rapists have rights to their children.  Regardless of their personal history, the slate is wiped clean when you enter into custody court.  While I understand that there are men out there who have suffered through the abuses of Family Court as well, I see all to often that when it comes down to he said/she said the court seems to revert to the early 19 hundred before women were trusted to vote in this country.  Women are most likely to be written off as “scorned” and judges assume they are making “false accusations” while often times men are looked to for the “voice of truth and reason”.

The recent examples that we are seeing in the media surrounding rape and suicide are yet another example of a man’s word continuously being taken over that of a woman.  When a woman is seen on a sex tape, she  is automatically viewed as dirty regardless of her role in the planning of the video.  A man, however, is still given a pat on the back for his sexual conquest.  Even if you are disgusted by the video, you might be of the camp that says, “well boys will be boys.”

When Luc presented his illegal sex video to the police depicting a sexual assault.  The police responded by saying, “Well, he isn’t a good guy – but we don’t believe he is a rapist.”  Why not Prince William County?  What about this man’s character makes you just want to trust his word?  He is not an honest tax paying citizen, your patrols have been called to his home for domestic disturbances several times in the last few years, and he has nothing to prove that he is honest – yet he is standing in front of you as a man telling you that the woman in the video wanted it.

The police officers and school officials who ignored the cases involving Audrie Pott and Rehtaeh Parsons should be ashamed that they didn’t do something sooner to prevent these deaths from happening.  The police officers who allowed Luc to go free after he sexually assaulted an innocent woman (just because he had the nerve to illegally video tape the incident), should be ashamed of themselves too.  They should feel responsible for what happened as a result of letting a criminal go free.

There are many people who can ignore injustices like this and look at it like someone else’s problem.  One of the parents from Newtown said it well when he said, “you can keep ignoring the problem saying it only happens in other neighborhoods..until one day you wake up and it has not only happened in your neighborhood…it has happened to you.”

Injustice to this disgusting degree is everyone’s problem.






  1. Jenifer L-E on April 17, 2013 at 4:08 am

    Amen! This not only pertains to mothers and rape victims but wives too. All of my evidence and sworn testimony was ignored in favor of my narc husband’s thoughts on my interests. The judge took everything away. We were in agreement over monthly maintenance I needed to continue medical treatment due to him driving me into the side of a car AND THE JUDGE DECIDED I WASN’T INJURED! I was physically restrained from presenting the Specialists DEPOSITIONS. The narcopath laughed and the judge smiled in his direction. I started to cry and ask my Attorney what was happening and two bailiffs threatened to remove me from Court if I didn’t stop crying! Not wailing. They wanted the tears to stop. The judge awarded $2,000/month less than the narc and I agreed on. I will not be able to afford medical treatment that allows me to walk by the end of next month. The good ol’ boys club must not be tolerated. Please keep speaking up. You are speaking for many. 0:,)

  2. Debra Miller on April 17, 2013 at 6:46 am

    “He chose to believe a man who couldn’t even tell the truth about how old he was, and who had a history of abuse and chaos that followed him where ever he went.”

    You know why that is, don’t you? That’s because you were “too emotional” in court. You could not simply “state the facts and all the facts, so help me God”. You had to get “emotional” over the death of your innocent baby boy at the hands of a f’in monster.

    And let’s also not forget the sex videos of which you speak were even “hidden”. Who would ever do that unless they were into some type of illegal activity.

    • Vicki K on April 17, 2013 at 5:56 pm

      Interesting that we can’t be emotional in court but their attorneys can, in an effort to get a rise out of us. When I was testifying the stalker’s attorney became angry and loud, obviously trying to get me to lose my cool. Didn’t work though. I maintained my composure. The judge passed no judgment on his attorney for his erratic behavior, another double standard.

  3. Debra Miller on April 17, 2013 at 6:47 am

    And you know how men feel about us “emotional” women, don’t you?

  4. Tessa on April 17, 2013 at 8:09 am

    Just today there was an article in the paper (here in the UK) about how a hotel porter raped a hotel guest. The woman was drunk (NO CRIME) the hotel porter saw the woman being helped by a female friend to her room. The porter then stole a key to this woman’s room and raped her while she was unconscious. He then took pictures of her on his phone and one on her phone. He then entered his number on her phone, and sent a text message to his phone saying how good it was, so if this woman made a complaint he could say it was consensual. The victim in this case happened to be a well known actress. He was prosecuted and found guilty, he will be deported to his own country after he has served his sentence. This man’s defence was he didn’t understand our culture, even though he has lived in the UK illegally for many years. The victim was unconscious, in , what she thought, the privacy and safety of her hotel room. What makes this case even more sickening is a lot was said about the victim being drunk. As if being raped was her fault because she was drunk, and he ‘didn’t understand our culture’. When did us women lose our voices? We have got to find our voices again and MAKE ourselves heard.

  5. D. on April 17, 2013 at 11:38 am

    Interesting that you posted this today. Last night at a DV group I belong to we were discussing Rape and why so many women don’t report it. Can you guess how many hands went up when asked would you report it after all you know now about the legal system? Every woman in the room! The system is set up so the victim gets punished over and over for trying to escape and trying to do the right thing.

    Why is it that we are being ignored and have our fears brushed aside? Why is it that we are called crazy and just a hysterical woman? Until those in power are held accountable to the major mistakes they make when they turn a blind eye nothing will change.

    You are so right, it is everyone’s problem!

  6. ginger on April 17, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    its absolutely disgusting that even judges are projecting that the man in front of them is honest in spite of his criminal record..ive been doing some research on this and did find where and who to file a complaint re judges police and more i am doing this for more than personal reasons but what i saw how many women were dragged through the system for 5-6 years pleading for protection and the courts continued to enable the offender, until they were beaten badly, now they see and are just covering there ass’s. but the laws say differently esp. the governor and the presidents office there are stricter consequences for repeat offenders and they are not following this. no longer leaving it up to some seedy criminal lawyer or judges discretion….if you have a gripe of have been discriminated against b/c you are a women there are administrative judges review and complaint forms you can print off the computer make a copy and send it to the governors office the white house has a department for the protection of women and children from domestic violence make sure you cc on the bottom so they are aware of who else your sending your letter too. and if no one replies or provides the support /services they claim to go to the newspaper with your paper trail that cant be swept under the rug or covered up. faxing is best b/c when u mail something to the white house it takes weeks before they open it due to terrorists ect. if you want a womens issue send it to first lady michelle obama she has a dept. specifically and no courts will dare mess with the white house ill keep you posted on what happenes next. i hired a paralegal to write me a letter which i will send to all the above and the courts. if u do mail anything make sure u certify it as proof

  7. Sandy Pasquale on April 17, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    I would like to share my story for the world to know first hand the reality of our so-called “justice system” and just how the Good Ole’ Boy’s Network truly operates. First and foremost I was a victim of domestic violence for over 10 years…documented by the local and sheriff’s police. The 4th time I reported abuse I was choked and bit the face, I would be dead today had it not been for my daughter walking in on the event, there was a 2 year No Contact Order issued as a result. The ex is a Narcissist and master of manipulating others as a result I reconciled, within a year after the No Contact Order expired he masterminded a Murder for Hire Plot and I was his intended victim, with “more than sufficient evidence” for conviction (per the Chief of Police) there were NO CHARGES filed against him for Solicitation and/or Criminal Conspiracy…he is guilty of both. I was provided the audio of 3 taped meetings plotting and planning my demise along with the interrogation video during which he states “I don’t know how to get out of this mess, she doesn’t deserve half” hence motive. The children and I were placed in protective custody during the investigation, he in turn went to the police and filed a report against me for kidnapping the kids…Really! He was granted supervised visitation within days of his request for which I was to provide transportation (a 5 hour drive for 1 hour visit) so much for “protective custody” which is a complete joke and there was nothing funny about our situation. I was provided 2 hours to gather belongings for 4 children and myself then fled the state, he threatened he had already gotten away with murder so to speak and granted visitation his next move was to obtain custody…as a result I was forced to return. I filed for divorce not long after my return, requested protective order and that he be removed from the residence, the judge refused to grant either…he was allowed to torment me an additional 14 months during the divorce. A protective order was granted after numerous reports of abuse and attempted rape (3 months before the divorce was finalized) it was for only THREE MONTHS, not the standard 2 years…No joke! I was granted full legal and physical custody per dissolution, as a result his behaviors started to escalate and included intimidation and stalking tactics, I filed for removal of the kids out of state to break free from all the chaos and have normalcy in our lives. He in turn filed for custody and was granted it, he was on probation for violating the protective order at the time. I was ordered to have a psych eval to “prove” the kids are safe with me (the victim), the sheriffs police took my children from me the following day without due cause and the Guardian Ad Litem suggested I needed parenting classes claiming I was “volatile and condescending” incredible! The psych eval states there is NO DIAGNOSIS and that my visitation should be unrestricted, it was deemed “inadmissable” by the judge…how convenient. I have reported my ex for neglect, abuse and child endangerment of all 3 children and have tangible evidence to back up every report filed, last summer I also reported him for stalking us during my visitation (which is restricted to Indiana and I live in Illinois). He in turn filed to have my visitation supervised or terminated, the GAL suggested all contact with my children be supervised, no phone calls allowed. Just days after the hearing I received “Order Restricting Parenting Time” which reads as follows: “All evidence presented was viewed in light of the fact that Mother has been the victim of domestic violence at the hands of the father. Although the extent of the domestic violence is a point of contention, something terrible happened. As a result, the lives of the parties’ children were impacted in a profoundly negative way. Ironically and tragically, it is Mother’s reaction to Father’s abuse which has necessitated this Order. Although the fact is very troubling to this Court, under this uniques set of circumstances, Mother’s inability or unwillingness to control that reaction has made it impossible for the children to move on emotionally” In other words, victims have no rights…you are penalized for trying to protect yourself or your children and if you expose injustices of prosecutors and judges via the internet, which I have…your kids are taken to shut you up. My first ammendment right to freedom of speech seems all I have left in life since my kids were take and I intend to use it, till the last breath I take. Hera you are a voice not to be reconned with just as myself…I am with you in this fight for JUSTICE there need be repercussions for individuals such as Judge Algeo and Judge Goff of Wabash Indiana granting TRAVESTIES not justice….united we stand VICTIMS OF VIOLENCE.

  8. Christine on April 18, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    The reason women don’t report rape is the same reason women stay in abusive relationships. They know that they will be raped (or otherwise abused) a second time by the court system, and unfortunately their children will be too.

  9. Madmacks on April 22, 2013 at 7:22 pm


    I love your writing and your passion and your bravery.

    Yes, there is evil in this world, committed by evil people. I know they are evil, you know they are evil, any victim of abuse understands evil. The “mental problem” responsible for ‘evil’ is psychopathy.
    Psychopaths abuse mentally and emotionally LONG BEFORE they rape and murder. Rape and murder are the worst of many many behaviors that, if viewed together, diagnose psychopathy.

    Rape is horrible. The murder of a child is unspeakable. What my case, your case, and the case of every child abuse, rape or murder victim, continues to show is that the Court is doing nothing to monitor, track, manage, control or even identify psychopaths. Perhaps, the psychological profession is also not testifying loudly enough when they are in Court. Maybe both.

    Psychopaths exist but they can’t just be locked up. However, when they walk through the Courtroom door, the Judge has an obligation to protect the public. The Court failed to protect Prince, even though psychopathy had been identified in Lucifer.

    The Courts should take any rape allegation seriously, but women who are psychopaths will be the first ones to make false allegations, in order to manipulate the system. For there to be justice, psychopathy must be properly considered.

    If the Judge DOES NOTHING in a case where psychopathy is believed to be an issue, it is gross negligence.

    All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. The Courts can protect men, women and children by having all cases involving abuse of any kind checked for psychopathy, instead of pretending it doesn’t exist.


  10. Sindy on August 26, 2013 at 8:56 pm

    Hi Hera.

    How can I message you privately? I couldn’t find an email address.

  11. Sindy on August 26, 2013 at 8:57 pm

    Or can you message me? LOL

    • cappuccinoqueen on August 27, 2013 at 3:24 pm

      sorry its taken so long to get back to you. I will send you a private message. 🙂