Let me start by letting you all know that I consider myself a black woman; therefore, I believe I qualify as a member of the so-called “black community.” That said, I believe the black community is as diverse as saying “the American community”, but I digress. This past weekend, I had the privilege of being a guest caller on the radio show Cole And The Cure. This show has a large Black American audience, and is based in Tampa, FL. While some people might argue if Tampa counts as “the deep south”, the callers certainly considered themselves southern.
The show focused on the issue of Child Abuse. Mr. Cole, the host, called me to participate after reading my blog from last week on Adrian Peterson. Before addressing the audience, I had a chance to listen to many callers’ views on spanking. I have to admit, I was shocked and appalled at what I was hearing. Several callers claimed that “whooping” a child was just a part of black culture, and blamed police for intervening in the way Peterson decided to “discipline” his child. Others claimed that while Peterson shouldn’t have left a mark, they believed it was ok to beat their child. Even the co-host admitted that when she first heard the story she believed that Peterson was just “handling his business” as a parent.
Out of all the callers, however, I was most concerned when a woman explained her belief that you should beat your children young, because they were too young to understand reason. She went on to say that since police officers beat prisoners, she is just getting her children ready for the real world by hitting them when they “step out of line.” So after the show, I went straight to my computer and jotted down some take away thoughts about the state of the black community:
Are are raising our children to be prisoners?
Do people actually think that because prison guards use physical punishment, using this same type of behavior on your child will stop them from becoming a prisoner? I firmly believe that if you hit your child in an attempt to curb violence, you are going to likely spur the very thing you are claiming to be trying to stop.
When I was a teacher in California, I was told during one of the State training sessions that the State of California used third grade writing assessments to project how many prisons the State would need to build in the future. Now I won’t get into the obvious parallels they were making between the education of third graders and prison projects; however, the debate on child discipline vs. abuse had me thinking about this statistic. Was there something to this? Not only was the State making a judgement on children ending up in prison, many parents were raising their children as if it was a forgone conclusion.
The Impact Of Violence At A Young Age:
One of the most disturbing things about the radio show was the common believe that people should hit their children as a form of discipline when they are “too young to understand reason.” This was shockingly illogical to me. Imagine being a child who is not yet verbal, and you hit or bite someone. In response, because you are too young to be reasoned with, your parent decides to hit you with a switch.
(Let’s take a moment of contemplative silence to think about the irony here…)
Do you really think that this child, after being smacked, is going to “learn his lesson”? This poor kid is likely to be intensely confused by the fact that you were angry about him hitting someone, and your response was hitting him. By showing your child this odd form of discipline, or child abuse as I would call it, you have effectively taught your child that when you are upset – the logical response is to hit.
Psychological research shows that a child learns to form attachments before the age of five. If your form of discipline involves intentionally inflicting pain on your child, I would like to challenge you to think about the life long scars that you are forming that might not present in a physical mark.
Another response that I heard on the radio show was this idea that “spanking my child is my business”, and “I know the difference between spanking and abuse”. People often hear about my tragic case, and insist that the way they choose to discipline is not at the level of what happened to my son, and therefore, they don’t have to worry about it. My response to these people is this: While many things that happen behind your doors at night is your business, you better hope that police don’t take the stance that child abuse is not something for police to get involved in. Many people like to believe that this issue is not impacting them, however, there are many abusive parents who hide behind the idea that their form of discipline is their business. By propagating this crap that police should stay out of your form of discipline, you are putting children at risk of being hurt or killed.
Slavery And Child Abuse:
I anticipate that many folks will not want to hear this, but just because you were beaten…your parents were beaten…and your ancestors were beaten does not mean that you need to continue the cycle. Charles Barkley, in all his idiotic wisdom, defended Adrian Peterson by that, “every black parent in the south” whoops their child. Barkley went on to say, “Every black parent in the South is gonna be in jail under those circumstances. I think we have to be careful letting people dictate how they treat their children.” I have news for you Charles: There was a time when it was legal for white people to beat black people too. I am thankful that the government stepped in, and dictated that black people have Civil Rights and should not be owned and abused as property. If that hadn’t occurred, both you and I would be in a field picking cotton, or serving as an unpaid hand in masters’ kitchen.
I cannot say how my son’s father was raised, or what created the monster who killed my son Prince. I do, however, know for sure that violence begets violence. Until we are man and woman enough to break the cycle of violence, these terrible things will continue to happen in our society. Many of you are likely thinking that my stance against child abuse comes from having grown up in a cushy non-abusive environment. That is not the case. I am the first person to stand here and say that while I was hit as a child, due to the same cultural acceptance of child abuse, I am strongly against it for my child. My child will be raised to respect me, and not fear me. She will be raised to understand that she is entitled to the same Civil Rights as an adult. She will not be raised to assume that one day she will be a prisoner, and she will understand that violence has no good place in our society.