Scared and Scorned – but not Stupid
Someone asked me yesterday whether or not I worried about what people would think of me once my story goes public. She asked if I was worried that people would write me off as a scorned woman who was hell bent on blaming Lucifer or that people would think there was something wrong with me because I had fallen for Luc’s con/mind games. These are great questions to which I am absolutely reading and willing to answer. The “scorned woman” and the “stupid woman” are two labels that I have become intimately familiar with in the past few years as a result of Luc’s reign of terror.
Stupid Woman:
If someone had told me my story three years ago, this likely would have been close to what I would be thinking: ‘Damn, that’s the most horrifying story I have ever heard. That being said, I have to wonder about this girl. If Luc is this disordered, how come she didn’t see him coming? I am glad that I am a smart woman who doesn’t trust easily. I feel bad for her, but thank GOD I don’t have to worry about anything like this happening to me.’
Judge Algeo actually addressed me in court after he likely had a similar thought. He said, “Now Ms. McLeod – you are not without fault because you actually chose him.” At that moment, he was possibly thinking that I deserved what Luc had done to me and what would likely happen to Prince because I had been a “stupid woman”. I understand how people would wonder if I was “stupid” or “blind” because I would have felt the same way had it not actually happened to me.
This is a completely normal reaction and has actually been explained in the world of Psychology (or for the purpose of a definition – wikipedia). This idea is called the “Just -World Hypothesis” or “Just – World Fallacy”. The Just-World Fallacy is a cognitive bias that human actions eventually yield morally fair and fitting consequences, so that, ultimately, noble actions are duly rewarded and evil actions are duly punished.
This “Fallacy” contributes to why many people often jump to blame the victim. For example, a woman is raped at a college frat party and people ask what she did to make the man believe she wanted to have sex with him. A man is mugged while walking down the street and people blame him for carrying so much cash and walking alone on the street at night. Blaming the victim makes us feel safe and as if we couldn’t end up in that person’s shoes because we are smarter and more street savvy.
At the risk of sounding cocky, I can assure you that I am not a stupid, uneducated, or gullible woman. I am a confident, intelligent, and educated woman. I was before I met Luc and I am now. The biggest difference is that now I understand that not all people are good people, that even a smart woman can be fooled, and that good/successful/smart women are often great targets for psychopath men. Period.
Scorned Woman:
This label is interesting. While I hated that my attorneys, the Judge, and just about everyone in family court was quick to write me off as just a “scorned woman”, I have come to accept this term. To a degree, I am scorned and I believe that any NORMAL person would be if they had to go through what I have in the past three years. If I were not a scorned woman, I would not be human. The danger here, however, is when the court fails to treat victims as human and has expectations not based in reality.
For example, two days before Prince’s first birthday we were back in Family Court. Luc hadn’t made any requests to see Prince on his birthday until we were sitting in front of the judge. In true Luc fashion, he sat on the stand and cried about how he had dreamed he would be able to spend half of the day with his friends and family (which I knew he didn’t actually have) and take Prince to Chuck – E- Cheese. Judge Algeo fell for this hook line and sinker. He was determined to make this Chuck E Cheese outing happen.
During the trial, we agreed to allow Luc to have an extra hour of supervised visitation that week to take Prince to Chuck-e-Cheese. After the trial was over, Luc didn’t mention Chuck-E-Cheese again. He had his visit that week at the mall per usual and didn’t mention to the supervisor any plans to take Prince out for his birthday or change the location. Then, on our next court date, Prudence Upton (Luc’s attorney) asked me if Luc had been able to take Prince to Chuck-E-Cheese as promised. I responded by saying, “He never asked.”
Prudence then spun the whole situaiton to make it appear as if I had refused to let him take Prince out for his birthday. It appeared to me that Judge Algeo had expected me to call Chuck-E-Cheese, make reservations, pay for a birthday party, and call Luc with the details of the party he was to enjoy that I had planned on his behalf. Despite all of the terrible things Luc had done to me and my entire family, I was continuously expected to “turn the other cheek” and welcome him with open arms into my family because he was, in fact, my son’s sperm donor. Luc, on the other hand, was expected to just stay out of jail.
The Courts couldn’t understand why I didn’t invite this man to Prince’s baptism and why I hadn’t rolled out the red carpet for Luc’s supervised visits so that it was easier for him to be a father. I provided Luc with a diaper bag and he complained about the contents not being to his specifications. While this was initially appalling to me and the supervisor, it does not shock me now that I understand the message the courts were sending to him. So I stand here before my readers.
I promise to give you honesty and keep things real. The reality of the situation is that I AM scorned. I am rationally and appropriately scorned given the circumstances. I honestly believe that any loving parent (man or woman), when given the card I was dealt, would have reacted the same way. They too, however, would likely be written off as both stupid and scorned. I am scorned, but I am not stupid.
I was a scorned woman in court, but perhaps what the court should have focused on was that I was also a very scared woman. My fears were not irrational. My fears were based in reality and based on very real experiences and facts. This fear overpowered the reality of any scorn.
I recieved a link to your blog today, and I have been reading it with tears streaming down my face. You are such a strong woman, and Prince was lucky to have you for his mother.I live in Maryland, and if there is anything I can do to help you shine light on this situation please let me know.
Thanks Karen. The biggest thing people can do for Prince right now is to share his story. Share it with everyone you know and anyone who will listen. It is what I plan on doing until Justice is Served. Thank you for your support.
We are making it a mission in our lives to let everyone in the state of Virginia,Washington D.C. & all over this planet, know the truth about the lives that were senselessly & tragically taken. Anyone & everyone willing to listen, who can & will make difference. People need to know the truth about the dishonest, corrupted & deceitful actions amongst the very same public officials that we’ve elected into office Until the whole world knows! The cops, lawyers, prosecutors,judges involved in the coverup & scandal between the criminals & the justice system involved( who think they’re above the law!) who are covering each others backs. THEY MUST ALL BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS! GOD HAVE MERCY ON THEIR SOULS!
It was not stupid of you to love someone.It was stupid of that person not to receive your love.
What a flipping crock! You were not stupid or scorned. You believed a line because you normally encounter intelligent people who would never dream of attacking your sister, filming porn in your house and/or killing your son. Your expectations were set by the company you normally keep. Stupid and scorned perhaps in that you trusted a court system to do the right thing. Seems to me Little Miss Prudence and the sleepy judge were the Stupid and Scorned in this scenario. I don’t expect them to handle it with any grace at all.
I would surely not label you “stupid”, anyone who has read about your journey with the parasitic beast and the so-called “justice” system can attest to this. I cry while reading every entry you have written as it has reminded me of very similar circumstances I have personally dealt with in regards to court proceedings, my 3 children are living with a perpetrator that has bit me on the face, tried killing me himself twice then hired another to do it for him…so much for “justice” he’s never been charged for the crimes.
When dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath, words cannot explain the true nature of these individuals…only those who have been victimized truly know what these individuals are capable of. I refer to them as individuals because they are not people like you or I they are not human, they have no feelings or remorse for those they have harmed and enjoy tormenting their subjects by “appearing” in a favorable light via use of projection, gas-lighting or whatever means it takes to make their victims the scape-goat. Outsiders (especially those who have never been vicitmized) do not want to believe someone could be so vile and for unknown reasons deem the victim as invisible when it comes to facts provided…especially when there is tangible evidence such as prior history of violence. Its as if you are in some sort of fog while in the court room and the spath has created it all via compilation of lies and deceit. Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness does not exist for those who have been victimized as the “system” protects these perpetrators. Fathers rights movements are more prevalent now than ever, criminal or not they still have rights…what about the victims and their children? Their reality becomes a living nightmare.
“Scared” you say…thats for sure while petrified into a numb or paralysis state as a result of continual “system” failure. Leaving Luc (knowing there were repercussions soon to follow as you were his benefactor) was traumatizing in itself, every time you had to face Luc thereafter; during court proceedings and visitation it was another re-traumatization and assault on you. Post Traumatic Stress is both mentally and physically draining. There’s been a study done during court proceedings which has proven one can endure PTSD during attendance at the hearing especially if Pro Se (representing oneself) which is usually what one does even if their attorney is present as they are only interested in one thing…getting paid.
“Scorned” is not who you are but may be who you feel you have become. I find “Vigilant” a more accurate assessment; Cognizant, Open-eyed, Observant, Knowledgeable and Well-Versed while Guarded just the same. The person you were years ago is long gone and because of your circumstance a stronger and much wiser individual you have become. Use this strength and wisdom in your fight for exposure of the truth and conviction of those involved in the demise of dear Prince.
If you ever need to talk just send me an email.
Praying for your safety, go with God.
These men aren’t normal, they come off looking like a knight in shining armour rather than a twat in tin foil. They aren’t stupid, they know EXACTLY how to work the system, and restraining orders and prohibitive step orders (here in the UK) mean less than the paper they are written on. When a friend was in court with the twat, she told the judge about the rapes, assaults and pure hell for the judge to say to HER, and I quote ‘oh your one of those are you’ she wasn’t lying, she had proof but she was still ‘one of those’
Tessa, I am so sorry to hear about your friend’s experience with this judge. You are so right about the twat’s though. 😉